Friday, Sep 5, 2008
Confessions (and tips!) from a wine-toting overhead bin hog Plus: Do algebra flashcards and soccer practice create thumb suckers? In defense of John Rocker.
Jan 6, 2000 |
'Tis the season to be pissed off
BY ELLIOTT NEAL HESTER
(12/22/99)
I'm one of those wine-totin' crazies your airline-attendant author loves to hate -- carry-on slung over the shoulder, crammed with precious bottles winging their way home from Stellenbosch or Sonoma. No way they're prying this baby out of my hands to gate-check!
Sure, it's easy to procure spiffy padded wine shippers that zip through as checked baggage and emerge unscathed at the other end. And I use 'em all the time -- after all, why pack that silly second change of pants or spare pair of shoes when they're taking up space in a check-through piece far better occupied by a case of Cote-Rotie? But come crunch time, check-through space inevitably runs out with at least another dozen bottles that still need repatriation. And what happens next separates the pros from the rank amateurs, like the fellow on Elliott Hester's plane. So herewith some tips:
1. Pick the appropriate airline when you plan to carry wine. You're likely to find a more sympathetic ear from an attendant on Air France than, say, Saudi Arabian Airlines. (Corollary: Make sure the attendant knows the bag holds their national product. "But, Monsieur, I have a dozen bottles of your magnificent Burgundy in this bag. Quelle tragedie if they were to break before being properly aged.")
2. In a pinch, a seat-back pocket squeezes exactly two half-bottles of Sauternes. To hell with the in-flight magazine and vomit bag.
3. Ditto the under seat. A fold-up bag at the ready allows you to quickly stash at least three or four bottles.
4. Turn to your fellow passengers: "Who's willing to give me their overhead space and check their bag in return for a bottle of Chateau Chundra?"
5. Never bluster. Attendants deal with lots of frequent flyers and high rollers, so you're unlikely to impress them.
6. And never beg. Attendants are overworked, overstressed and low in the airline pecking order. They just love someone over whom they can exercise arbitrary authority -- and that means you.
7. But don't hesitate to resort to bribery. Start by offering the attendant one bottle, then two. Don't cry -- just remember that these are bottles that will be shards of glass at the other end if you have to check them. And an attendant always knows about a little extra space -- if you make it worth his while.
So watch out, you flight attendants on the Argentina run -- I understand that Mendoza Valley is lovely during the March harvest festival. I'll be seeing you on the return leg!
-- Joel Goldberg
As a frequent passenger on airlines it makes my blood boil to see morons get on with huge overstuffed bags, or two bags and a box, three bags and lamp, etc., ad nauseum. This bizarre sense of entitlement needs to be quashed right now. If the passenger in your story had bothered to show up early like everyone else, there would have been no problem.
A first-class seat has all the room needed for one bag. Instead it's everyone else's fault and everyone else suffers. The passenger you described in your story behaved like a baby who had dropped his rattle.
I am thrilled that the airlines are putting in Plexiglas sizers to help with this problem, although sometimes I sense that some flight attendants are enabling these people -- the worst being Southwest Airlines. "Got five bags? No problem. What's that -- a live chicken? Sure, as long it likes to listen to our jokes and have peanuts thrown at it." Still, ultimately it comes down to personal responsibility. I don't envy today's flight attendant. It can't be easy.
-- Barry Enderick
San Diego, Calif.
Elliott Neal Hester's description of a selfish airline passenger and his wine collection illustrates both sides of the overhead baggage problem: the selfishness of a few passengers and the arrogance of the airline industry. The airlines and their employees constantly exhort passengers to check their bags, but do nothing to make that option more attractive to them. Bags frequently miss connecting flights, fragile belongings are destroyed and passengers almost always have to wait in long lines to check and retrieve their bags. Faced with the likelihood of delay or mishap, who wouldn't carry on as much as possible? The solution to the overhead baggage problem does not lie in haranguing passengers or making examples of the occasional idiot, but in making it as easy and safe as possible for passengers to check their baggage.
-- Paul Bain
It seems to me that the airline missed another possible remedy. They could have asked the rest of the plane for a volunteer to check a bag or two, perhaps offering an incentive to compensate the volunteer for the delay at the destination airport (assuming that the volunteer had not checked any bags). Asking a passenger to check a bag with fragile contents is simply not a reasonable action, and I believe that the passenger is entitled to full compensation for the bag -- wine, ruined clothes, and all -- as well as punitive damages.
-- Mark Dulcey
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