Saturday, Jul 19, 2008
Faludi's wrong -- men are doing fine! Plus: Misunderstanding singer/songwriter Bruce Cockburn; moms defend right to sleep with their infants.
Oct 7, 1999 | What's ailing men?
BY JONATHAN MILES
(09/30/99)
Are there no happy men or women? It seems every time I turn a page or browse my favorite Web site I hear of the atrocities forced upon women and men by a wicked cultural empire. I'm constantly told about the evils of society which have forced women to live up to cultural standards. Or the "overachiever" requirements men must endure because the all powerful media requires it.
But I have to say, at the end of the 20th century I'm a truly happy man. I feel like I have more options and choices than at any other time in history. If I don't want to be a father, no one thinks I'm not fulfilling parental duties. And if I want to give up my career and stay home with the kids, no one thinks less of me. (In fact, there are several women in my office with similar situations.) And women also seem to have more options than ever before.
Oh sure, I have an occasional bad day when I'd like to strangle a co-worker. But is that really because I was forced to play with G.I. Joes as a child, which led to an overactive fascination with violence? Or is it just a part of being human?
Maybe the world hasn't fully responded to the requirements of equality for all. But it sure seems like we're moving in that direction and I plan to do everything I can to help us along.
I just want to stand up and be counted as a happy man -- as a man who didn't get screwed, who takes full responsibility for his life, who understands that bad days, trials and tribulations are just a part of life, not the fault of someone else or something else.
-- Jeff Paris
If men are taking Susan Faludi seriously, then we really are in trouble. That men tend to ignore silly feminist blather is a gauge of their collective mental well-being. And while it is a bit unnerving to see a male friend's coffee table covered with Power Bars and Men's Health magazines, most men don't read those girly men's magazines unless they are waiting to get their hair cut at the barbershop.
Have you noticed that the only men talking about this "malaise" are those sensitive ponytail types you knew in college? They will put up with any abuse and prostrate themselves before any theory, as long as it is put forth by some loudmouth broad who should have taken a few courses in an actual discipline.
What should men do about Susan Faludi? What they do with any nagging woman: ignore her. She'll stop soon enough. Men have had to put up with the incessant flapping gums of hysterical women since the beginning of time -- why should this generation of men have it any better?
-- Howard Hewitt
The cute review by Jonathan Miles just underscores the worthlessness of "Stiffed." You can make any social hypothesis appear sound by presenting it in a void in which symbols and stereotypes float freeform in space connected only by the writer's imagination. A case in point is Faludi's statement that the "fifties housewife [has] morphed into the nineties man." The stereotypical '50's housewife was an invention of '50s television, then became the focal point of feminist anger. The struggle of real women in the '50s, even the ones that lived in little boxes, was radically different from the popular image.
To use one old false icon to support a new false assumption is the hallmark of most popular investigations into the malaise of society and any of its constituents. Instead of taking apart the intellectual jungle-gym that clouds our understanding of the human condition, she has built more bars on top of this dizzying maze of psychobabble and clichi. The fact that she can hang from these bars and do tricks is nothing to celebrate.
-- Richard Young
Who said "Yes"?
BY DAVE CULLEN
(09/30/99)
Even if popular accounts of Cassie Bernall's "martyrdom" were true, Bernall was hardly a strong candidate for sainthood. On April 26, ABC News broadcast a report on the troubled childhood of Bernall, who "dabbled in witchcraft," and whose parents eventually forbade her to see friends or use the phone. They allowed her to go only to church and weekend religious retreats, which reportedly "changed her life." In a videotape made two days before her murder, Bernall says, "I really can't live without Christ. It's like impossible to really have a true life without Him."
This is not real religion. Juvenile behavior has simply been replaced with juvenile belief in religious dogma -- in this case, one which casually dismisses all non-Christians as "not having a true life." We see the same sort of thing in wife-beaters who "find Jesus," and the re-closeted poster kids for "conversion" from gay to straight. They view religion mainly as a form of therapy, and as something which is much more about how not to live than how to live.
It is this kind of lurch into cheesy spirituality that is typical of "not having a true life." Bernall's murder was tragic, but let's recognize her for what she was: a confused girl (with even more confused parents) and not a martyr for any cause.
-- Chris Ott
The reason the media avoided the true story of Cassie Bernall is obvious -- after all the pious posturing over the body of this poor girl, there's no elegant and sensitive way to say, "um ... never mind." This could serve as a warning to the media to tone down the endlessly sanctimonious coverage following these all-too frequent shootings.
I'm glad the story of Cassie Bernall has been debunked, however. Not because I wish ill upon her or her family, but because this fiction was instantly transformed into a recruiting tactic by the religious right. Instead of celebrating this girl's faith, they bashed her corpse over our heads while congratulating themselves on being morally superior. If they hadn't used her story in this way, its veracity would never have been challenged.
Cassie Bernall is no less a victim now that she is no longer a martyr. Maybe she can now rest in the peace that comes from the truth.
-- Bernard Gundy
San Francisco
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