Love vs. commerce

When I matured from a tomboy to a boy toy, I learned the art of sex and money.

By Tracy Quan

Oct 21, 1999 | Oct. 21, 1999

Wednesday, Sept. 1

Jasmine called this morning with curious news. "That letter from the Treasury Department -- well, it's from someone at the IRS -- a Thomas Winters."

"Did you talk to him?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I got his voice mail a few times and I hung up on him twice -- but I think he might be the phone freak! Tom W! Remember? He was pretending to be one of Allison's customers."

When I looked at the letter again, I noticed that the first name was legible while his last name was a messy scrawl -- revealing just the W -- big and flourishy. It's got to be a coincidence. Why would he use that name if he were the caller?

Allison is on her way over with her lovelorn client Jack, so I must make myself scarce. I'm letting her use my apartment for a small fee. It's about time she saw him! The guy is still carrying a torch for her (even if he did sample all her competition during her absence.) There goes my door buzzer!

Thursday, Sept. 2

Yesterday, while Allison was entertaining Jack, I slipped out to the gym -- where I ran into Randy ...

I had resolved not to sleep with Randy again. But while dressing for the gym, I realized I was also dressing for him. I rejected a huge T-shirt for a new exercise top that shows off my waist. Nothing obvious -- it's loose but neat and doesn't make me look sloppy on the Stairmaster.

When I saw Randy his eyes lit up -- enough to show interest but not to the point of being pathetic. Look, if I had any other job, I wouldn't even contemplate having just one boyfriend -- I'm single after all. I like to think that Matt provides an anchor in this sea of maleness. But if you take away the clients and the sex, this is just a job -- so why do I feel compelled to be such a one-boyfriend girl?

For months, I only dated Matt and since he doesn't know I see guys for money, it's just like I was not seeing other guys -- right? So what did it get me? A boyfriend who feels guilty when he sleeps with other girls! If a man I love is screwing around, I'm not content until I've also had my turn -- and it has to be with a non-paying guy. I've always been like that -- even with Peter, my first lover. What's changed is that I've learned not to tell my boyfriends that I'm keeping score -- or that I even know the score.

Next Page: Telling my first boyfriend about my first trick

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