Monday, May 12, 2008
Energy vampires suck you dry and leave you depleted -- and not just on Halloween
Oct 30, 2000 | On Halloween, our dark sides rise from their hidden corners, and ghosts, demons and witches roam the nighttime streets. Fortunately, these unsavory creatures disappear before sunrise. All, that is, except a particular kind of Dracula -- the energy vampire who wanders about every day of the year, fearing neither bright sunlight nor crucifixes.
Energy vampires do not drink blood. They do not favor gloomy windswept castles or sucking orgies in misty graveyards under the full moon. These are individuals who imbibe other people's life force as if their own depended on it. With their plump cheeks and brightly colored clothes, they pass easily as ordinary folks. Odds are that you will not even notice when they strike. But you will notice the lingering effects: lassitude, depression and the loss of your emotional spark.
These are the ones who want too much of you and have devised elaborate strategies for obtaining it. It could be the nonstop talker who drains your spirit on a date, the friend who calls you to share another chapter in her endless saga of misfortune, the good-looking stranger who corners you at a party. You know the ones -- after spending time with them, you feel as though someone has hit your dimmer switch. You assume it's stress or fatigue, and as you desperately gulp down that double latte, you reproach yourself for not getting enough sleep. But sleep is not the issue -- an energy vampire is draining your psychic battery dry.
Though they usually have no awareness of what they are doing, energy vampires are crafty and relentless creatures. They seek you out, court you and pursue you; they will snare you with blatant, titillating lies to get what they want. They come in four distinct types: Talkers, Poor Me's, Shadows and Diggers. While all share an insatiable hunger for others' life force, they have different modes of operation.
The first kind, the Talkers, are actually the most benign. They will tire you out and steal your time, but they do not go after your soul. Often striking and dramatic in appearance, they seem to have gathered more than their share of impressive deeds and adventures. But they need your energy to make their own come alive. You are the mirror that reflects what they have experienced. Your presence verifies the Talker's existence like an echo confirms a sound.
Since they only want to hear themselves, they don't actually interact with you and they never ask questions. If you find your eyes glazing over when your friend tells you about a close encounter with piranhas -- or the 10th close encounter with piranhas -- you are probably playing host to this type of energy vampire. You will attempt to escape by drifting away. But the part of yourself you let go is the piece snatched by the Talker.
You have seen these energy vampires at work: At a restaurant table, the man leans forward as he talks nonstop, the woman arching her back ever so slightly, a smile pasted on her face while her spirit is somewhere far away. As a small gesture of compensation for the welcome energy infusion, the Talker will usually pick up the check.
Poor Me's are easiest to spot because they wear their neediness like signature accessories. They appear diminished somehow, with a droopy posture, perhaps, or a concave aura. They wallow in their belief that life has beaten them up. They may not look like predators, but be aware: They hypnotize you with their helplessness and trap you into staging guilt-motivated rescue attempts.
But these efforts are futile; no amount of sympathy or gesture of compassion can, in the end, alleviate the pain with which they identify so deeply. They may be attentive as you outline sources of support and avenues for change, but they will not pursue your suggestions. It is your energy that props them up, not the prospect of change.
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