I don't know if "Arrested Development" just keeps getting better, or if it's just growing on me each week, but I can't believe how many great jokes are packed into one episode. Maybe part of the challenge is adjusting to the fast pace of the show, which at first seemed too fast, but now seems to make sense, given how many odd digressions and cut-aways and flashbacks occur in each episode. Although I stopped watching "The Simpsons" when Homer dropped his inarticulate, beer-guzzling nature and started scheming and conniving, the brilliance of "Arrested Development's" many digressions reminds me of the bizarre and delirious digressions that were once featured on "The Simpsons" (circa 1992). Remember the episode where Bart discovers that the trap door in Mr. Burns' office drops you onto a table, where a bunch of foreign third-world peoples clap and shout, "Dance! Dance! Dance!"? Now think of Michael (Jason Bateman) getting knocked down by that Mary Poppins doll in Wee Britain. (Wee Britain is an odd little town created mostly to afford the writers more chances to make fun of the British.)

But the best joke this season has to be the introduction of Scott Baio as the Bluths' new lawyer. His name? Bob Loblaw. His television commercial, a parody of those cheesy "Been in an accident?" lawyer ads, is what can only be described as an instant classic. "Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?" Baio asks. "You don't need double-talk, you need Bob Loblaw!" A voice-over finishes, "Bob Loblaw. No hablo espagñol."

When I'm watching TV this good, I really have to pinch myself and thank those fickle gods -- more specifically, the executives at Fox -- for keeping "Arrested Development" on the schedule despite its mediocre ratings. Keep it around for another season, and I'm prepared to forget that "The Swan" ever existed.

Haters always win
Even with the funniest man alive behind it, you can't really expect "Everybody Hates Chris" to match the indescribable genius of "Arrested Development," can you? Well then, cut Chris Rock some slack already. The kid is funny, the mom is funny, the dad is funny, the stories are funny, and Rock's voice-over is fantastic.

Voice-over: My mother didn't make a lot of friends, because she's what I like to call a ghetto snob.

Mom: Look at that woman out here with rollers in her hair!

Daughter: Mama, you have rollers on.

Mom: Yeah, but I'm wearing a scarf! No class!

Still, there's this feeling that every scene could be this funny, once the show hits its stride. My advice to Rock? Get a little crazier with the stories, make the dad more glowering and mean like he was in the pilot, and talk more about the differences between white people and black people. In other words, be yourself, and don't let the crowd pleasers at UPN bleed all of the really good, harsh material out of your show.

You see, when we watch a show about a family, it's very important that we see a truly demented, enraged group of people ruthlessly attacking each other, or else we'll get confused and we won't be able to relate to what's happening on the screen. We'll just think we're watching the black version of "Eight Simple Rules."

Confession time
I was raised by wolves. Therefore, I don't really understand anything about family life in America. Still, my wolf Mommy did bolster my ego enough that I grew up to be a writer, not only a writer but the sort of overconfident writer who has the audacity to give Chris Rock advice. I would thank my wolf Mommy for giving me this confidence, but I'm way too busy blaming her for teaching me to hold in my negative emotions and to eat dead animals off the pavement.

In other words, mommies and daddies of the world, you just can't win: You think you're finding your kid a nourishing meal, she thinks you're screwing her up for life. Those of you considering starting crappy families of your own should remember this lesson, and instead of gazing at darling little outfits for babies and test-driving high-end baby strollers, you should watch how that little bitch of a teenage daughter on "Commander in Chief" treats her mommy. And her mommy is the president! You'd think you could cut Mommy a little slack when she's the leader of the free world, but no. Parenting is a thankless task that we only take on because we're bored and we lack imagination and we're not that into roasted nuts. So, the next time you want to blame your parents for being bored and unimaginative, bite your tongue, fiendish swine, and watch "The Amazing Race" with them instead.

Next week: When is that blond mommy on "Invasion" going to start sprouting scales and screeching like a pterodactyl already?

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