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Sunday, Nov 22, 2009
For those about to shock
Man, I loved that album. It's hard to believe that the guy who's responsible for all those amazing guitar riffs is the same guy who sits, all made up and hairsprayed, next to INXS every week, delivering his one-line rockerisms to a screaming fraudience of dolled-up non-hotties.
I know it makes me a hateful human being for saying so, chicken curries, but have you noticed how the decorated floozies in the fraudience on "Rock Star: INXS" are exceptionally, um, difficult to look at? I guess they don't have the cash to hire extras, or to recruit a higher caliber of bimbosity. But when I think about all of the exceptionally nice-looking life-size dolls that live in this town who would happily shake their fists at warmed-over rock 'n' roll covers sung by other exceptionally nice-looking life-size dolls, it really makes me wonder what's wrong with those cultural recyclers over at CBS.
And speaking of life-size dolls, don't you love how host Brooke Burke tries to growl every line just like the guy on the "Carl's Jr." commercial? And more importantly, did you see that oversize metallic belt she was trying to pass off as a skirt the other day? You could actually see her crotch. Not only that, but she contributed to the illusion by wearing a leather jacket with it. She looked like she was having one of those bad dreams where you get up in the morning and leave for work, and halfway through the day you realize that you forgot to put on pants, but no one told you -- only for Brooke, it was all too real!
But then, it's sort of appropriate that a cry of "The host is wearing no pants!" wouldn't go up among the sycophantic sea donkeys in the fraudience, given that every time one of those faux rockers takes the stage, not only do we all feel, quite palpably, that the emperor (Mark Burnett, in this case) is wearing no clothes, but we're too pathetic and old and nostalgic for authentic moments of pre-stadium-tour rock 'n' roll performance magic to say so, or to change the channel, for that matter.
And that's not to mention that every time one of those faux rockers takes the stage, a little angel in heaven loses its wings and gets sent straight to hell. Except for Ty, who's a genuinely great, organic performer and an exceptional vocalist, and is, therefore, way too talented to sing those painfully flat INXS songs. Poor Ty. I'm nostalgic for the pre-Mark-Burnett days of his career already.
People who don't need people
OK, I know, I know. It's time to talk about a show that's actually good, one that actually matters, or one that's at least smart and funny enough to warrant our attention. Have no fear, little Welsh bunny rarebits, because IFC has a lineup on Fridays that you're sure to savor like glorified melted cheese. Not that melted cheese needs to be glorified, but still.
Yes, indeed, Three new shows (starting at 10 p.m. EDT) are airing: "Greg the Bunny," "Hopeless Pictures," and "The Festival." You've probably seen "Greg the Bunny" before -- it started as a New York public access show, then it was on IFC, then it became a sitcom and moved to Fox, where it was quickly canceled because Fox had very important episodes of "Nanny 911" to air instead, so now it's back on IFC. "Greg the Bunny" mostly features a bunch of addled-looking puppets doing extremely odd film parodies. In other words, it's the greatest.
I also enjoyed "Hopeless Pictures," which provides one of the most realistic snapshots of life in Los Angeles that I've ever seen, more realistic than, say, "Six Feet Under," because, as you all know, we don't actually have feelings about other people here in the Southland! unless, of course, they're somehow related to our deepest, innermost neuroticisms about ourselves and our innermost needs and desires and our feelings about those innermost needs and desires and neuroticisms, and our feelings about the fact that exploring our feelings about our feelings makes us feel, like, so selfish and weird and stuff but, like, we have to give ourselves a little space to just feel our feelings about our feelings about our feelings, in order to feel more, like, alive and good and satisfied and stuff. If you enjoyed reading that last sentence, "Hopeless Pictures" is for you.
