Like "American Idol," "SYTYCD" is self-important, flashy and deeply stupid. Think of the bad theme song and the odd, faceless pop singers and microphones you see during the opening credits of "American Idol," but replace them with faceless break dancers. Oof. Then there's the terrible voice-over -- just think of how you feel when the host from "Rock Star" says the words "supergroup INXS," and multiply it by 10. Throw in a vaguely pitiable gaggle of wannabe dancers and five dance instructors who've each been told that they're being groomed to be the next Simon Cowell, and you've got a serious train wreck on your hands.

It turns out that, although making fun of some kid's terrible voice can be amusing at times, cackling to the camera about how uncoordinated and pathetic a young dancer is just makes you look like a serious asshole. By the end of the grueling 90-minute premiere, three out of the five dance instructors were competing to be the biggest jerk of the show, with dorky Dan Karraty, who's apparently to blame for half of the cheesy boy band moves in circulation, taking a slim lead over the rest. While it's amusing to see Karraty enviously insulting the most talented competitor, Blake, for having too much "attitude," the rest of this show ranges from tedious to chafing.

Brave new world
So why did I waste your time discussing it? Well, someone has to warn you away from the shoals of summer TV. This week, though, there's some more substantive fare to look forward to: "Home of the Brave," a documentary about Viola Liuzzo, the wife of a Detroit teamster who was murdered by Klansmen after a march for voting rights in Selma, Ala. I saw this film at Sundance last year and it had me weeping openly in a room full of critics, which I don't need to tell you is as unlikely as it is unsavory.

I thought I'd seen enough films about the civil rights movement and that this would be more of the same old story, but Liuzzo's tale is uncovered by the filmmakers with such patience and care that her fate feels extremely personal by the end of the film. "Home of the Brave" (Monday, Aug. 8, at 10 p.m. on Court TV) will make you want to stand up for what you believe in -- or at least skip work and get drunk on cooking sherry.

Hall pass
See how European that makes you feel? Now all you need is some cured meats and topless girls. Since you don't have the money for either, though, I'd suggest tuning in for the next "Kept" marathon on VH1. As demented as it sounds, this competition to become Jerry Hall's kept man ended up being one of my guiltiest pleasures of the summer, what with all the man titties on display and all the petty fights over who would get to be Hall's little bitch boy.

Best of all (don't read this if you really plan to catch up on the show), Hall's final choice was completely unexpected. While pretty ass-kissers Austen, Anwar and Maurizio seemed like the right candidates for the job, Hall went the courageous route and picked outspoken, dirty, wisecracking Seth instead. She later told the camera that if she were younger, she would've gone for big blond boy Austen (whom she called the "Birkin bag" of arm accessories), but now that she's older, she wants to be around a guy who can make her laugh. I hear you, lady! Best of all, when Seth was led into the room with Hall's friends, they all gasped in horror/delight and Seth quipped, "I know. I'm as stunned as you are."

Of course, the show carefully sidestepped any implication that Hall's man would be called upon to service her engine, and also coached the guys to do the same. So, sadly, we're going to have to use our powers of imagination to fill in the rest. The cooking sherry should help.

Real grief
In contrast, "The Real World: Austin" has left very little to the imagination this season. Between making out naked in the shower and getting his face bashed in on the street, Danny has been at the center of this very explicit drama every step of the way, but last week's episode took the (bad birthday) cake. While the cameras rolled, we witnessed Danny finding out from his dad that his mom had died.

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