Human suffering and the like
While we're beseeching God, we might revisit the little matter of the Holocaust, it being the most egregious fucking example of God letting his people hang out to fucking dry. Documentarian Frederick Wiseman personalizes the Holocaust with grace in his first dramatic feature, "The Last Letter" (Tuesday, May 3, on PBS; check local listings). In this startling, stark performance, French actress Catherine Samie portrays a Russian woman writing one last letter to her son, knowing that she's about to be killed by the Nazis. Simple and slow-moving as Wiseman's feature can be, Samie's performance is nonetheless absolutely riveting, and the little injustices and acts of kindness the woman experiences on the way to her eventual murder are as devastating as they are unforgettable.

Dearly beloved cocksuckers and the like
The hour has come to move on to another matter entirely, one far less worthy of your consideration: It seems that Rob and Amba, those notorious double-dealing cocksuckers from such entertainments as "Survivor" and "The Amazing Race," are planning an intimate wedding ceremony with a guest list numbering in the millions. Yes, they plan on pulling a Trista and Ryan for all the fucking world to see! The subtly titled "Rob and Amber Get Married" is, by all accounts, scheduled to air May 24 (9 p.m. EDT on CBS). But don't think for a single fucking second that they're in it just for the big bags of gold, like every squarehead within shouting distance of this camp.

"This is marriage," Rob told "The Early Show's" Tracy Smith last year. "This is not a joke. This is a serious thing. And we want it to be on our terms and our timeframe."

Spoken like a man of dignity and honor. "Yeah," Amber chimed in, "the way we would have done it even if we wouldn't have done it on TV."

Sounds like these two have been sucking on the funny pipe with some of the local savages. Nationally televised betrothals, not a joke? Even though the aforementioned cocksuckers previously won a million fucking dollars and stand to win another million, even though good taste and sound mind dictate a private ceremony far from the camera's (and my) cruel gaze, this sad pair plan to sign on to a lifetime of mutually induced misery in front of a million fucking limber-dick cocksuckers and the like.

Crass? Sure, but they've been called worse by better, and these two are not about to let the barbs and arrows of strangers slow them in their steady progress to becoming multimillionaires!

Without fucking question I will be watching, since such entertainments meet my requirements that the participants have a stated goal (becoming legally wed). Plus it's sure to be a disturbing, ungodly affair the likes of which the world hasn't seen since Trista swam through a hideous sea of pink to stand, smiling ingenuously, next to her awkward beau. The two of them were afloat in a fairy bubble: him, her snatch, and those stupid fucking helicopters circling.

And now my once-beloved Rob and Amba stand at the precipice of the self-same tragedy. Don't they know that every time a reality couple gets married on TV, a little kitty gets stuffed in a sack of rocks and thrown into a lake?

Not that Rob would care. Over time, his quickness with a cocky rejoinder must have gotten him many punches in the face. Still, he and his lady friend seem to have a fair shot at winning "The Amazing Race," although I must admit I've become partial to Uchenna and Joyce ever since Joyce agreed to have her head shaved in that celestials' ceremony in order to advance quickly to the next fucking pit stop. Rest assured that I'd readily shave my head as well if I looked half as fucking good as she does bald.

Lawless, calculating cocksuckers and the like
But enough of such frivolous concerns. If you ain't here to fuck or be fleeced, get on your merry way!

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