Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
How can you survive in a world where Farrah Fawcett and Lizzie Grubman have their own TV shows? Here's one quick, easy, do-at-home step to solve any existential crisis!
Mar 28, 2005 | Everything good is bad for you
Do you ever feel like you're living in an upside-down world, where everything that's good and beautiful and special is disparaged, discarded and spat upon, and everything that's crappy and hideous and lame is embraced, adored and merchandised within an inch of its life?
Well, you are. And just in case the omnipresence of Nicole Richie, she of the brand-new head and body, weren't enough to convince you of this, guess which convicted felon has her own show on MTV?
Lizzie Grubman, of course. And is there anyone less made-for-TV than Lizzie Grubman?
1) I know this is really mean, but some people really weren't born to work in front of the camera. You know, because they have no eyebrows? Lizzie could really use a brand-new head. Maybe she can find out where Nicole got hers.
2) Lizzie allegedly ran over some people in her SUV. Now, do we really want the children of America to think that it's okey-dokey to run over people in an SUV? No, we don't want that, even when they're in the Hamptons. Thanks to Lizzie -- and Martha Stewart, who's set to be featured on the next season of "The Apprentice" -- kids will see that committing felonies isn't just fun, it can land you your very own TV show!
3) Lizzie's job is to host events that look good in magazines but are basically staged for the benefit of the press. Newsflash: This is not a glamorous job. I don't care how many times you get a quick hug from P. Diddy, these parties are not fun. The ice mountain covered in sushi is nice, don't get me wrong, but the rest is a drag -- long lines of bozos at the front, long lines of zeros at the bar, long lines of dodos squished into the VIP room and no one with a thing to say beyond "Where's Paris?" It's like going to a really tacky wedding reception populated by guests with the intelligence of refrigerator magnets, plus you don't know the bride or the groom, and instead of one photographer, there are 50.
Anyway, needless to say, "PoweR Girls" is about as entertaining as a badly written press release, Lizzie is a scary human inside and out, and the sad little minions who work for her are absolutely depressing, running around in circles with their little lists, imagining that they're big shots. I know, it sounds vaguely appealing, but it's not. Aspiring models and starlets: laugh-out-loud funny. Aspiring publicists: slit-your-wrists sordid. Spending time with Lizzie and friends is like being hazed by a room full of deranged, anemic sorority girls. I know, it sounds vaguely sexy, but it's not.
