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Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009
Torture is, like, soooo torturous!
A few readers have pointed out a delightfully disturbing theme emerging this season on "24" -- torture! First, Jack tortures Sherak, the guy involved in the train hijacking, by shooting him in the leg. He's a bad guy, so we like this. Next, CTU tortures Secretary of Defense Heller's son, since Heller was at his son's house at the time of Heller's kidnapping. However, it's not clear that Heller's son told any of his deviant hippie friends about the meeting, and the kid weeps so piteously throughout the process, you can't help but feel a little sorry for him, even if he does have a squirrel's understanding of foreign policy, or whatever his mean daddy said to him in a fit of rage.
Finally, the head of CTU, Erin Driscoll, orders the torture of Sarah, a mild-mannered CTU employee who's suspected of being a spy thanks to the sneaky work of the real spy, Marianne. After Sarah cries and pleads for mercy, Driscoll grimly ushers in one of those ominously bland agents with metal suitcases, and the guy pulls out a syringe.
So, we get it. The torturous aspect of torture is, you can't always be sure that you're torturing the right person, and even if you are, you can't always know whether or not that person is holding out on you. Maybe you assume they've told you everything they know, or maybe you choose option B and shoot them in the leg instead. Remember last season, when Jack convinced one of those drug lords that he was about to shoot his wife and children in the head if he didn't start talking? You can't deny that "24" does a rather nice job of exploring the moral slippery slopes of CIA-style covert operations. How many ominously bland agents were on call in Guantánamo Bay after 9/11? We probably won't know until the champagne corks are already flying at the dedication of the cornerstone of the George W. Bush Library at some fine university deep in the heart of Texas.
What I really want to know is, what's in the syringe? How painful is it to be shocked with that thing that looks like an electric razor? Why was Sarah unconscious? Did she pass out from the pain, or was there something in the syringe that made her dopey, and if so, how would that help at all? Is it about decreasing her inhibitions? Maybe someone who's familiar with such procedures could drop me a line and explain these little details, just so we can all take even more satisfaction in savoring the torture of innocents from now on.
Another concept comes to mind...
AMERICA LOVES "TORTURING TEENS"!
AFTER ADMINISTERING 50 CCs OF TRUTH SERUM, PARENTS GRILL THEIR WEEPY TEEN ON THE LOGISTICS OF SUCKING HITS OUT OF AN 8-FOOT BONG, THEN CUT HER HAIR USING A FLOWBEE. WATCH AS A YOUNG MIND REALIZES THAT SHE HAS A LOOK THAT DOESN'T REPRESENT HER AS AN ARTIST, THIS FRIDAY AT 8 P.M.!
They just keep breeding!
Speaking of torture, fans who tuned in for the finale of "The Amazing Race" last week reported shock, disbelief and feelings of helplessness after witnessing ugly Americans Kendra and Freddy come in first in the race around the world. Spectators said that watching the "dating models" (known for their rather unsettling disdain for the peoples of Africa) walk away with $1 million -- while the much more deserving Jon and Kris came in second -- left them with lingering depression, sleeplessness and unpredictable fits of anger for several days. While some wept tears of joy to see Aaron emerge from weeks of being maligned by his girlfriend, only to propose to her in front of millions ("The more she attacks him, the more he loves her!" the romantics sniffled), others found themselves haunted by Kendra's words in Senegal weeks before. "They just keep breeding!" she whined, the sight of crowds of underprivileged minorities making her cute, rosy cheeks even cuter and rosier, her glossed lips pursing in disgust. The mind reels. How could this mannequin be going home with half a million dollars?
Some viewers reported that several glasses of Zinfandel, along with guided meditations on the next season of "TAR," eased symptoms substantially. "I just kept picturing Boston Rob and Amber, belaying off the side of a building in Lima, Peru," one devoted viewer told us, referring to the winning "Survivor" couple who'll appear on "The Amazing Race" in just two weeks. "Deep into my meditation, I could almost hear Boston Rob yelling Amber's name. 'Amba! Amba!' he was yelling. I found that very soothing, somehow."
