Site Presented By
Tuesday, Feb 9, 2010
The artist's way
Speaking of humiliating teenagers, I know I'm a little stuck on Ashlee Simpson lately, but something about the challenges presented by the "Saturday Night Live" lip-syncing escándalo have transformed Ashlee into a mesmerizingly sad manifestation of the pretensions of the teenage mind. You know, like that awfully self-important stuff you scribbled in your journal when you were 16, the stuff that hopefully no one ever read or will ever read in a million years? Well, thanks to her really wise and understanding parents, Ashlee's journal is broadcast on TV each week.
Last week, Ashlee got a haircut. To give her stylist an idea of what she wanted, she showed her a picture of the hairstyle of one-hit wonder Natalie Imbruglia. Nice choice, little lady!
But Mom thought the haircut was a big mistake. "Oh my god, Ashlee! Where's your hair back here? Your dad's going to have an absolute frickin' cow."
See, Mom didn't understand that, for Ashlee, cutting her hair shorter was tantamount to keeping it real, yo. "It is a time where I am coming into my own and wanting to make decisions on my own. And cutting my hair is a part of, you know, finding myself."
But short hair isn't the only way to find yourself. Wearing big eyelashes and thickly applied mascara during a photo shoot for "Entertainment Weekly" is another way to really show the world what you stand for. After her makeup was finished, Ashlee pulled the makeup artist aside and told her she wanted fake eyelashes and less color, but "cute rosy cheeks."
"I know how I want my clothes and my makeup and my hair to look, and for this photo, I really wanted to represent who I am as an artist, and represent me."
The best part of the episode, though, was when Ashlee thought she might be doing something really fun and glamorous as a surprise for her 20th birthday, and instead her friends took her to Medieval Times -- you know, where you eat dinner and cheer while these guys in knight outfits ride around on horses and pretend to spar? Ashlee was clearly mortified.
But what's better than watching teenagers become mortified? As far as reality TV goes, humiliating teens is the new black.
Let's just review the evolution of rubbernecking, shall we? First, we loved watching people win fabulous prize showcases. After that, we enjoyed watching trashy women fight over ne'er-do-well men. Then, we liked watching type-A overachievers quarreling over how to cook rice on a beach in Thailand. Later, we dug watching pageant-circuit ladies competing for the same mediocre man. Recently, we became thrilled at witnessing yuppies insulting each other's business acumen. But today, it's all about shaming teens.
What's next, teasing young children? Manipulating toddlers? Taunting hungry infants? Kicking small animals? Confusing the handicapped?
AMERICA LOVES "TORMENTING TODDLERS"!
AFTER GIVING THE DOG AWAY TO NEIGHBORS, PARENTS TELL THIS SOBBING 4-YEAR-OLD THAT GOD IS DEAD, AND THE EARTH IS LIKELY TO SPIN OFF ITS TRAJECTORY AND COLLIDE WITH THE SUN! WATCH AS A LITTLE MIND STRUGGLES TO COME TO GRIPS WITH THE APOCALYPSE, THIS SUNDAY AT 9 P.M.!
Get Salon in your mailbox!
