Not only that, but she seems to really charm everyone around her. The montages of her goofing around are the best parts of the show - when she's socializing, she seems to spends a lot of the time dancing around and acting like a freak. At one point, she tells the camera that she likes to slip into this character she made up who's named "Lordene." Cut to Ashlee, affecting an extremely low voice and the mannerisms of a woman who wears sensible shoes and listens to "Prairie Home Companion" every Sunday. "I drive a Suzuki Sidekick. A turquoise one," she offers gruffly.

Lordene really humanized Ashlee for me. But see, that's the problem with these disposable products offered up to us at every turn. Some of them are actually humans underneath their sugary consumable shells, but even the revelation of their essential humanity is just another bit of carefully considered marketing. We're made to feel so grateful that they're not rotten to the core, that they're normal and maybe even vaguely likeable. But why would Ashlee be rotten to the core? She's a product that's been on the shelf for exactly one week! She's fresh from the factory! She's packaged as a world-weary rocker, but what she's seen of the world consists of hotel rooms, cute boys and clothing boutiques. What is there to grow weary of, exactly?

No matter. It's beyond obvious that art has been commodified to the point where you don't even have to put any art into the commodification Fun Factory -- a little unformed teenage Play Doh will do just fine. Is it all a damn shame? I don't know. I figure that great art has the tenacity to endure under the harshest conditions imaginable. And of course, contributing to the NEA and supporting the artists you admire helps, too. With the support of a nation of Lordenes, great art will prevail!

Candid candidate
And while we're spouting heroic rhetoric, let's turn to the premiere of the long-awaited "American Candidate" on Showtime (Sundays at 9 p.m.). From the moment the cameras start rolling, the slew of faux politicians running in this mock presidential election are truly impressive. They speak out firmly for what they believe in! They respond to tough questions with straightforward, concise answers! They embrace their ideals and refuse to compromise or back down! They're willing to go to bat and risk everything for the issues they feel are important to the future of this country!

In other words, they aren't politicians at all. And even though the show poses the question, "What would happen if ordinary people could run for president?" the answer seems to be that they'd immediately impale themselves on their least popular beliefs.

This is exactly what happened to (Yes, now is a good time to stop reading if you haven't watched the show and plan to check it out) the first person eliminated, Chrissy Gephardt (daughter of Congressman Dick). The candidates had to throw a rally, and the two with the lowest attendance were asked to convince the others why they should stay in the race. Chrissy was a far more effective speaker than James Strock, but the vote was tied, which meant pro-life candidate Parks Gillespie got to decide who to eliminate. One question about partial-birth abortions later, Chrissy was sent packing.

Unlike the actual presidential campaign, in which candidates obscure their beliefs and positions in safe, palatable terms, eventually becoming so mechanical that they need to affect quirks and weaknesses in order to humanize themselves, "American Candidate" offers up real live humans, humans so human that they're downright unelectable. Then, Americans (those Americans who subscribe to Showtime, that is) have the opportunity to elect an unelectable, one-issue candidate. Ultimately, then, in a year when even former Nader supporters are speaking in relentlessly pragmatic terms, Showtime offers up the fantasy of putting your vote where your conscience is. Ah, the satisfaction of voting for a PETA member! Mmm, how nice to support someone brave enough to speak up for gun owners in this country! Finally, a champion of gay rights on the ballot!

It's Ashlee all over again. We long for candidates who feel as real as these people do, but these people haven't been squeezed through the political Fun Factory yet, and know nothing of the sacrifices it takes to become an electable politician.

See how TV offers us false feelings of satisfaction and a false sense of power at a time when we feel the least satisfied and the most powerless? That's why we love it so much.

Next week: Humanizing the Amish!

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Chat with Heather Havrilesky at the "I Like to Watch" thread on Table Talk.

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