ILTW --

I love "Six Feet Under" too, but one aspect of the show is starting to drive me nuts: Maya never speaks. In fact, she doesn't do anything. She doesn't play, eat, drink or cry. Diapers are never even discussed, much less trips to the potty. During the scene when Nate was sitting at the kitchen table with Maya in his arms, my wife and I, at the same moment, exclaimed "That's a doll!", because the child in Nate's arms looked so lifeless. So what's up with that? I love Alan Ball, but can he be that clueless about living with small children? They never shut up. Unless she has some serious type of disability, Maya should be driving Nate insane with constant chatter and general neediness. Please comment.

Thanks,

Dave Swanson
Milwaukee, Wis.

Dave,

I noticed that, too. Maya's head didn't move once during that conversation in the kitchen where Nate was lamenting the state of the universe. Maybe she's really into Daddy's existential angst right now and will use it one day to formulate a groundbreaking dialectic inquiry into the nature of human suffering.

The main benefit of her calmness, of course, is that it makes Nate seem even more whiny and impossible, like he's the baby and she's the Mommy. But it's true, she's like the puppies in TV commercials -- adorable, but never ripping stuff to shreds or crapping in the house.

Puppies are still great, don't get me wrong. But they do have flaws. No one likes to admit it, but it's true.

ILTW

Oh, Heather.

I waited this long for you to comment on "Joe Schmo 2," and this is what we get? I can't believe you're not enjoying this version as much if not more than the last. Other than "Six Feet Under," it's the only show I'm watching this summer, and I look forward to it as one of the highlights of the week.

Sure, they ratchet up the comedy a bit much, but I think this has added to the danger of the high-wire act that they're pulling, seeing how much cheese they can ladle on without everyone drowning in it. The fun isn't in wondering why Tim and Amanda would believe such a show is real; it's in watching them recognize that they've landed in the absolute turkey of the reality show world and gamely soldiering on. The sad truth is that "Last Chance for Love" is all too believable.

One of the pluses this season has been that the cast seems to include much more talented improvisational comedians. Much of last season was very staged, but it certainly seems that with contests like the challenges at dinner with the bachelor/bachelorette's parents, the outcomes weren't predetermined and the actors actually had to try work their way through it. The result was some genuine awkwardness, skillful improv and much fun.

And don't be too hard on Amanda. She only seems dim in relation to Ingrid's uncanny perceptiveness.

Mockingbird! Mockingbird!

Andy
New York, N.Y.

Oh, Andy.

You're right. The show is about seeing how much cheesiness they can get away with. And it has been a great season so far.

But you have to admit, Tim and Amanda are boring. Don't you sometimes feel like you're a guest at an elaborate, expensive surprise party, and the birthday girl is a real zero? When Tim says something like, "Man, Bryce is a total psycho!" don't you feel a little like busting in his kneecaps with a baseball bat? And I can't help but be hard on Amanda. She's so sorority-girl catty and judgmental, yet so totally dull. If you're gonna jump to premature conclusions and formulate unfair assumptions about people, at least make sure they're insightful or colorfully mean.

Last season, there were more stunts that put the Schmo in uncomfortable situations, like when the hot girl was handcuffed to the Schmo and then her boyfriend made a surprise visit and Schmo ended up getting dragged around the house with the girl as she tried to soothe her boyfriend's hurt feelings. You're right that the cast is much better -- I loved Rita (Natasha Leggero), and Bryce (Kevin Kirkpatrick) is incredible -- but it seems to me that their scripts have been toned down since the beginning of this season, for fear of being discovered again.

Anyway, given the fact that you like the Schmos and SFU, you might want to check out "Things I Hate About You" on Bravo (Tuesdays at 9 p.m.). I can't say enough good things about a show on which couples use video cameras to document their partners' annoying habits, and while you might expect the execution of this show to sink to that typical, crappy FOX level, it's actually fantastic. Mo Rocca is likably snide as the host, the editing is extremely sharp and absurd, and the first couple trotted out a memorable blend of neurotic tics and gaseous emissions. Granted, Renee and Patrick were two very showy humans -- she's a radio personality and he's her producer. But it still worked. I'm anxious to see the next episode.

"Mockingbird! Mockingbird!", huh? Personally, I prefer "Yellow-throated warbler! Yellow-throated warbler!"

You know, maybe when I get a little older, I can move to the middle of nowhere live in a little homemade shack like Henry David Thoreau, and rename this column "I Like To Watch Birds." You guys would read about the time I spotted a White-faced Storm-petrel and a Sooty Shearwater fighting over a fish, wouldn't you?

I know you would, loyal monkeys.

ILTW

Recent Stories