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Tuesday, Nov 10, 2009
Rocco faces a young foil, straight from central casting, and Jessica Simpson reveals the secrets to her feminine mystique. Plus: The depressing democracy of "American Idol."
Apr 26, 2004 | Do the Drew!
"It's got the best of both worlds, good food and beautiful people." -- a patron at Rocco's
Whether the beautiful people come to Rocco's to eat the good food, to catch a glimpse of Rocco DiSpirito, or to see themselves on the second season of "The Restaurant" is anybody's guess. To my jaded Southland eyes, the patrons look suspiciously similar to the shiny herds of aspiring actors standing in line outside of the Sky Bar on Sunset Boulevard. So what could Mark Burnett and Co. do to ensure that "The Restaurant" wasn't polluted by its own popularity?
Enter "Drew the Intern."
"My specialty is problem-solving on the spot," Drew offers, in what's sure to be the first of several unsolicited monologues. "I'm very operational. I'm all about positive reinforcement with people. I'm not gonna get along with Rocco. I know this, I've been told this."
Leave it to Burnett to find the solution to his troubles at central casting. Still, it's pretty amazing how talented his team has become at locating human beings with the capacity to annoy and offend within a few milliseconds. Let's just break down Drew the Intern's introductory offenses, shall we?
"My specialty is problem-solving on the spot. I'm very operational." Translation: "I have no discernible skills beyond the fact that my major organs are currently functioning."
"I'm all about positive reinforcement with people." Translation: "Although I've never been in a management position, I know I'd treat my employees like dogs if I were.
"I'm not gonna get along with Rocco. I know this, I've been told this." Translation: "I watched the first season religiously. I was hired to be the guy everyone hates."
True to his nature, Drew the Intern dominates the second episode (Monday night at 10 p.m. on NBC) and, despite being instructed to "just observe," compares himself to Tiger Woods while getting in everyone's way, then refers to Rocco as "Captain Douchebag," which Rocco overhears. Meanwhile, financier Jeffrey Chodorow might as well be a plant, for all of his stagey troublemaking. Obviously, Rocco has a ballooning budget and an ego to match, but Chodorow's smug strong-arming is already tiresome.
But "The Restaurant" has always felt scripted. The only two people who really act and speak naturally are Rocco, whose grandiosity shields him so completely from the way he's perceived that he's utterly unself-conscious, and his mother, who's just too cool to care how she appears on-screen. It makes sense that the producers would decide to put Rocco under even more pressure during the second season, since he's the only one who doesn't seem to be griping for the benefit of the cameras.
Of course, no one told Rocco about the second season's narrative, which is probably why he spends the majority of the first episode running away from the cameras. Imagine, in his entire meeting with Chodorow regarding budget cutbacks, which occurred behind closed doors with no cameras present, Rocco said only "No comment." That was probably wise, since it's clear enough that if he had said something, Chodorow would've scampered off to give his cronies a full report.
But isn't Chodorow just jealous of Rocco, who flits around town, signing copies of his cookbook, "Flavor," and basking in all the attention from his drooling female fans? "You're such a bad girl," he growled at one relentless fan. "You can't be such a bad girl!"
