Plus, I love the dorky theme parties, and Seth's bizarre quips, and Peter Gallagher's tousled hair, and the rich colors of the paint on the walls of the Cohens' house, and the KROQ-chirpy theme song. Even the opening shot of the California shoreline, panning up to a bunch of McMansions clumped together on a green hill, reflects a lot of the show's understated edge. Clearly, the photogenic life comes with a lot of compromises, and living among the empty-headed and greedy in massive cartoonish houses by the sea isn't always all it's cracked up to be. All of the characters, even the adults, struggle with the compromises they've made and must make in order to get by.

Look, I know you don't buy it, so I dare you to take "The OC" Challenge. Watch three full episodes of this show, and see if you don't find yourself wanting more. Either way, let me know what you think, because I'm beginning to feel like a dim teenager for swooning over this show as much as I do.

Gainfully unemployed
In case you doubt that the pretty faces on "The OC" could mask deeply conflicted emotions, Paris Hilton offers living proof of the perils of photogenic living on the recent "The Simple Life."

Paris: I've never had a job, ever.

Real person: What do you think about friends who you know, who have had jobs? What do you think that life is like?

Paris: I feel bad!

Sure, it sucks to work for the man, but isn't it at least nice to know that Paris feels your pain?

Average Joe Millionaire
When I was about 12, I used to daydream about choosing from a conveyer belt of cute boys. After I chose the cutest one, we held hands and smiled. Then the daydream was over.

Pretty tame stuff, but it's about the level of excitement offered by today's dating shows, which have plummeted quickly from mildly amusing to excruciatingly boring since they became popular two years ago. Sadly, even with its original premise (take normal guys and make them compete against pretty boys from central casting for the same hot girl) and its absurd twists (putting the hot girl in a fat suit to see how the guys react), "Average Joe" ended in familiar dull-as-mud "dream date" territory on Monday night. Sunsets on the beach, glasses of wine by the fire ... Zzzz.

For the first time, though, pitting a bland model boy against a charming, funny, rich guy seemed downright unfair to the pretty boy. Jason, one of the face men thrown into the game after the major nerds and fat guys were dismissed, hasn't made one interesting, funny or insightful comment since he arrived on the scene. Honestly, I've met plug-in room deodorizers with more personality than this guy. So I almost felt sorry for him when he showed Melana the house where he lives with his parents, and then weakly tried to get her drunk on big fruity drinks at what appeared to be a TGIF's with a good view. Next came the requisite frolicking on a beach at sunset, followed by a lot of generic comments about how wonderful their time together was, how good they always look, and how good it is to look at someone who looks so good.

Later, Jason went on a date with Melana in Yosemite National Park. The two rode horses through the park, and then Jason spent a good half-hour positioning both horses so they could kiss each other while they were still on the horses. It was a telling moment for Jason, who's clearly the kind of person who spends more time framing a shot than he does enjoying the moment. "Forget the memories, let's get a really adorable photo for the mantel!" Melana seemed to dig his ultrabland good looks, though, so they sucked face a lot.

On the other hand, Adam, who lives in New York, showed Melana his great apartment, the office where he works as a day trader, the bar he partially owns, and his likable friends. She was impressed to discover that he's a "modest millionaire" and seemed to enjoy his company, but she didn't look him in the eye that much. Sensing this, he got a little nervous and insecure, but shook it off for their last date, which took place somewhere in Arizona. Adam, who has a wallet with money in it that enables him to buy things, like bread and milk, instead of, say, waiting for his parents to stock the fridge, uses some of that money to buy Melana a bunch of flowers and gifts. Melana totally loved the gifts and stuff, but you could tell that it was still kind of weird for her that Adam wasn't incredibly hot. That part made her kind of, like, uncomfortable. Still, Adam was getting about double the screen time Jason did, and Adam and Melana were talking like they really dug each other, and, well, the show is called "Average Joe," isn't it?

After about a half-hour of bad music and dull close-ups of Melana musing over her difficult decision, she got her hair curled in little ringlets and cheerfully gave funny, driven, delightful Adam the boot in favor of a 26-year-old college student who's probably adding "six-pack of Michelob" to his parents' grocery list as we speak. Her words were telling.

To Adam: "More than anything, you've made me feel so beautiful."

To Jason: "When I look at you, I see a future with you."

OK, so Adam was worthwhile because he made her feel like she looked good, but Jason was her choice because he looked so damn good. To be fair, Melana was more likable than most of the Raiderettes and beauty queens who populate these shows. Still, there's something a little sad -- not sad, really, but boring -- about the fact that, after all the fuss about guys with average looks and great personalities, we still end up watching two matching hotties fly off into the sunset together.

What was the purpose of hauling in the model boys in the first place? Are we supposed to be learning hard lessons about the fact that the normal, genuine good guy will lose every time without fail? It sort of sours you on the next round, in which a gaggle of even less attractive men are set to compete for the girl, but what they don't know, because it's already been shot -- tee-hee! -- is that a bevy of greased-up man-titties are waiting in the wings to rip that girl right out of their sweaty hands. If I wanted to see that kind of drama play out, I'd just wander out to any one of countless conveniently located Los Angeles night spots and dig the nice-guy rejection and matching hottie action playing out around me.

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