Helpful as such tips might be, inevitably some straights will feel that "Queer Eye" is more an attack on the habits of the heterosexual than it is an embrace of gay culture. By unabashedly trumpeting the superior fabulousness, meticulous organization and impeccable grooming of gay men, is the implication that straight men are pathetic slobs by comparison? Should straight men feel shame at having eaten bean dip out of the can all these years?
Of course they should. After years of being ribbed for letting an extra day or two pass between bikini waxes, straight women in particular will enjoy watching as the curses of personal hygiene paranoia are hurled at an unsuspecting straight male population.
But are men today too focused on their looks, too primped and polished? Would we really feel comfortable knowing that our boyfriend self-tans, gets his back waxed, and has his hair professionally highlighted? And if these gay men show him how to shine his shoes, tie his ties, and style his hair, what fun is left for us, the women behind -- or in front of -- the man? Will we feel comfortable climbing into bed with a manicured, moisturized pretty boy every night?
Apparently so, if the results of the makeovers on the "Queer Eye" are any indication. In the final segment, the straight victim emerges as a cleaner, prettier version of his old self, interacting with friends and family while the Fab Five share cocktails and watch the whole thing on a big-screen TV. Butch looks vastly better after he says goodbye to his ponytail, beard and overalls. And he seems to feel better, too, walking confidently through the crowd at the art opening his "Queer Eye" consultants have arranged for him. His friends seem impressed to the point of awe, and a few of the women can't stop looking at him.
"Oh, we've got a gasper!" coos Carson, an apple martini perched in his hand. "She is so into him!"
"This guy is kinda hot," remarks Kyan.
"That guy is hot." Carson agrees. "I think he just touched his ass."
At the close of the next episode, Adam shows off his redecorated house, organized closets and fancy appetizers to his guests. The missing tiles in his front hall have been replaced, his children's toys have been relocated to the closet, the unibrow has been vanquished, and he really does seem like a new man as he breaks out a pair of pearl earrings for his wife -- you know, the ones that culture expert Blair Boone picked out for her? You can almost feel Adam's pride, after years of being chided for slacking off, in getting every detail just right. Sure, these are the details that women and gay men generally care a little bit more about, and it's not hard to imagine this guy failing to tie his tie or shave his face quite as effectively the next day. But with that proud grin Adam is sporting, it's tough not to feel that he's actually thrilled to have had some help.
"He is, like, glowing!" the experts scream. "He did a great job!"
The final scenes of "Queer Eye" are so absurdly funny and oddly touching, and its stars are so consistently boisterous and funny, I began to develop delusional thoughts about the show's far-reaching impact. The charms of the gay male will be spread far and wide, thanks to one show! Just imagine all of those regular folks across the country who just love "Will & Grace" without understanding that many, many gay men are just as witty and charming and acerbic as Jack and Will are! "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" will unveil the originality and flair of gay culture for bland heterosexuals across the globe!
Sharing my vision of a gay culture explosion, all thanks to one show, elicited a less enthusiastic response from a gay friend. "It depresses me when they play up the 'Jack factor' like that," he said. "It's so one-dimensional. All gay men aren't like that."
And he's right. Obviously, the stereotype of trendsetting, fabulous pretty boys hardly sums up the entire gay male population. The fact that "Diff'rent Strokes" suddenly made middle-aged white people across the country walk around exclaiming how adorable and clever black children were certainly didn't win them many fans. How enlightened and special can you feel when you're merely embracing a stereotype, falsely assuming that it's an accurate representative of such a large segment of the population?
But then, not all straight women are exactly "Stripperella" either. Whether it's enlightening or just a lot of fun, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" is destined to have you cackling with evil glee one minute and vowing to exfoliate the next.