Not only does this strengthen the show's nonlinear "pick any episode" appeal, it may also explain why it's possible to start watching in the middle of most episodes and still get caught up in the action within minutes.

Of course, pinpointing the guilty party at the earliest possible moment is the main challenge -- and draw -- for "Law & Order" addicts. Once you learn the show's vocabulary of unpredictable twists and turns, it becomes much easier to identify the criminal. Outspoken, angry suspects with extremely bad attitudes usually aren't guilty, unless they're very arrogant, rich and/or powerful, or they're members of extremist religious sects or radical political groups. Slightly creepy but quiet suspects with no apparent link to the crime, or victims who are especially emotional and self-pitying who appear early on are the best candidates for guilt. Politicians, doctors, men who cheat on their wives, mothers who insult their children and embittered grad students are also, typically, guilty.

While you may come across a few cheating men and sleazy politicians per episode, there's a look of restrained fear common among the guilty that becomes easier and easier to spot the more you watch the show. The crazy thing is, the better you get at predicting who's guilty, the more you want to watch. Addiction is a curious foe, indeed.

Wolf isn't helping matters much with his latest spinoff, "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," whose star, Vincent D'Onofrio, is impossibly appealing. This eclectic, slightly dorky, vaguely sociopathic detective steals every scene, smashing the macho-detective stereotype to little bits with his odd head-cocking, mumbling and awkward gestures.

Unlike most TV actors, D'Onofrio dares to be extremely weird. He's sneaky, playing the naive witness in order to mention inadmissible evidence on the stand, and spilling coffee on his notes on purpose to catch his suspect off guard. He smiles at inappropriate moments. He delights in toying with arrogant men, but goes out of his way to be sensitive to old ladies and children. Just when he's starting to show a little swagger, he leaps out the door, blurting, "I need to use my most important investigative tool: my library card!"

And despite the breakneck pace of the series, D'Onofrio takes up long blocks of screen time by just ... thinking. He pauses, mid-sentence. He looks around the room. He screws up his face. The camera zooms in. What can he possibly be pondering? Unlike the other two shows, on "Law & Order: CI" we already know who committed the crime. Somehow, the fun comes from watching D'Onofrio manipulate his way to truth.

The weakest of the trio is undoubtedly "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," a show so melodramatic and sensational that it's clearly the "Baywatch Nights" of the franchise. The creators insist that the show isn't gratuitously violent or salacious, despite offering up scenarios like a young boy who witnesses his stepmother being beaten to a bloody pulp, or a teenage girl who stands in the hallway of the precinct, screaming, "He raped me, mother! I was 12 years old! Where were you? Why didn't you help me?" Then, of course, there's the mother, whose lines are as subtle as the chorus in a Greek tragedy: "How do I make sense of this? My husband is dead, killed by my own child's hand! How awful it must have been for my husband!"

But even "Law & Order: SVU" is tough to turn off. With ratings that continue to rise and increasing numbers of our citizenry developing serious addictions, the question is not when "Law & Order's" omnipresence will end, but what will come next? "Law & Order: Animal Control"? "Law & Order: Financial Crimes Unit"? "Law & Order: Parking Violations Division"?

Based on his track record, there's no doubt that Dick Wolf could make everything from credit card fraud to stray dachshunds suspenseful and fun to watch. But it's up to each of us to resist the siren call of new "Law & Order" spinoffs, before the inevitable "Law & Order Channel" emerges and draws us into a black hole of murderous womanizers, high-minded but world-weary prosecutors, and snarky, unstable detectives.

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