I wonder if Trent Lott called anyone a "nigra" while departing the TV studio in his limo after his apology and interview this week on Black Entertainment Television.

In the 12:30 a.m. time slot, the 6-foot-5 redhead on NBC (Conan O'Brien) is still funnier than the 6-foot-5 redhead on CBS (Craig Kilborn). O'Brien is the best comic mind on television, but his show airs too late for most people to see him.

In 2002 large numbers of confused human beings continued to line up to participate in reality television shows, where they immolate themselves for our distraction before they are jettisoned back to the fallow fields of untelevised reality.

"American Idol" was the big summer phenomenon. It was great at the beginning, during open casting calls in various U.S. cities, when the audience got to luxuriate in the absolutely horrible performances of the aspiring superstars. As the insane and tone-deaf were gradually weeded out -- those in deep denial about their lack of talent; those who verbally abused judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson; those who stalked the show across the country -- "AI" got less interesting until, by the end, when only eventual winner Kelly Clarkson and the guy who looks like Sideshow Bob were left, I had completely forgotten it had ever existed.

"The Bachelor," that romantic reality train wreck par excellence, appeared on the scene in 2002 and is still going strong, as is "Survivor."

The Fox television network has added a new and malicious twist to the reality dating genre for 2003 with a show called "Joe Millionaire," in which 20 lovelorn women are flown to France in order to compete for the affection of a construction worker they have been told is a multimillionaire.

What happens when the truth is revealed? The major flaw in this premise, of course, is that by the end of the show, through potential endorsements, Joe the laborer will be worth considerably more than the $19,000 per annum he made coming in. And his worth will be enhanced by his newfound celebrity status, which will probably count for a lot in the eyes of a woman who is willing to risk public humiliation for a few minutes on TV.

In 2002 prudish commentators continued to get it wrong regarding "The Osbournes," MTV's reality show that follows the lives of heavy metal rocker Ozzy, his wife Sharon and kids Jack and Kelly. "The Osbournes," which is in fact a funny and entertaining show, does not signify the end of Western civilization. No, that distinction goes to "ElimiDATE," whose preening, libidinous contestants are seemingly as innumerable as the young starlets of cinema and television who are willing to grasp their bare breasts and pout at the camera on the covers of Maxim, Stuff and FHM. "ElimiDATE" makes me wonder whether we ought to just let al-Qaida win.

What initially made "The Osbournes" such a breath of fresh air was its inversion of the standard put-regular-people-on-TV formula. Here we see the normal lives of a stupendously abnormal family. And truth be told, Ozzy and Sharon -- who is his manager; one shudders to think what would have befallen the hapless Ozzy without her -- are decent, loving parents. Though his neurological pathways have been devastated by years of narcotic artillery fire, which results in much mumbling and doddering and confusion, the Oz communicates ably with his offspring, warning them not to do drugs and have unprotected sex. Hypocritical? Sure. But all parents are hypocrites; it's part of the job.

And though Sharon is by all accounts a ruthless ass-kicker as a businesswoman, we don't see her bring that world home into her interactions with her children. She's goofy. She owns approximately 6,000 dogs that she talks to as if she were a crazy person. She appears to be her daughter's best friend. Jack and Kelly, though spoiled, are both pretty well-adjusted kids. (Better adjusted, I dare say, than the Bush twins appear to be.)

And then there's Anna Nicole Smith, whose "Osbournes" knockoff on the E! television network documents her struggle to negotiate the basic aspects of reality. What can one say about this former model, now addled, obese and manifestly substance-addicted? She's just about hit bottom, it would seem, whatever money she still possesses being the only thing holding her above the abyss. How could it get worse in a second season? I guess she could wind up sucking dick for prescription painkillers.

In 2002, local, network and cable news programs continued to titillate and, in the words of Susan Sontag, "infantilize" the American public with gross misapplications of words like "terror" and "evil" and "news." It seems the new television news paradigm consists of: 1) Fear. 2) Fear. 3) Mindless escape from the fear that's just been promulgated.

And, as ever, "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" provided us with the antidote. "The Daily Show" remains one of the most important shows on television because it's smarter than everything else and it doesn't have ulterior motives. (For regular news broadcasts, those motives boil down to ratings and corporate ownership.)

To paraphrase Trent Lott: If more people watched "The Daily Show," this country wouldn't have all these problems. Here's hoping that in 2003 we see the emergence of more television shows that pierce through the layers of lies and obfuscation and bring us the truth. Or at least something really, really funny.

Recent Stories