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Wednesday, Nov 25, 2009
A fan's semi-fond farewell to "The X-Files," which ends its eight-year run Sunday in a haze of melodrama and mystification.
May 17, 2002 | Can anyone on "The X-Files" hold a normal conversation anymore? Would that be too much to ask? Would it be too much to ask for Agent Scully, when presented with a direct question from a friend and X-Files compatriot, to reply in a prompt and courteous manner, rather than stare at her interlocutor and then stride out of the room? Just answer the question. Please.
If I wanted to watch people in a poorly lit room hold painfully slow, incoherent conversations, I'd hang out with heroin addicts.
Yes, "The X-Files," that groundbreaking paranormal crime series, comes to a close on Sunday. Two years after David Duchovny left the show, with the ratings falling, creator Chris Carter and friends have decided to pull the plug at last.
The show returned from winter reruns with the promise that, in the final 11 episodes, the "X-Files" team would tie up some of the loose ends regarding this wayward series and the ineffable conspiracy plot, or "mythology," that underlies it.
With 10 episodes down and only the two-hour finale to go, that promise has not only gone unfulfilled but is also starting to look like a downright hoax.
Like other "X-Files" fans of yore, perhaps, I was lured back to the show by the prospect that they were finally going to put a slug in the back of this lumbering giant's head and, in the process, clear some things up and maybe do something interesting.
The hope was that Carter, Duchovny, Gillian Anderson and company would rise to the challenge and deliver a run of shows that would approximate the peaks of inventiveness, suspense and quirky humor that "The X-Files" reached during its heyday.
But that's not how it has happened. The first 10 of the 11 episodes have done little to belie the perception that "The X-Files" has degenerated into soap opera: Emotions are conveyed by twitching lips, watery eyes and long glances pregnant with nothing.
Driven away by the show's absurdities, I've watched only intermittently over the past two years, but research confirms that this is what has transpired:
Duchovny, moving on to a movie career, is written out of the show but agrees to make occasional appearances. Natch, his character, Agent Fox Mulder, is abducted by aliens. At about the same time, Scully becomes pregnant in what appears to be an immaculate conception (she was rendered infertile by alien experiments).
New characters come aboard, including:
Agent John Doggett (Robert Patrick, of "Terminator 2" fame -- an admittedly superb casting choice by Carter): The no-nonsense fugitive specialist who is tasked with finding the vanished Mulder.
Deputy Director Alvin Kersh: The latest antagonistic authority figure and the first black character on the show since the mysterious shadow player, "X."
Agent Monica Reyes: An expert on satanic cults who teams with Doggett to form the new X-Files crew.
Assistant Director Brad Follmer: Another sinister higher-up, who was once romantically linked with Agent Reyes.
Doggett and Scully clash but learn to respect one another. Scully begins to learn freaky things about her unborn child and a possible link to government experiments involving human-alien hybrids, or Super Soldiers.
Mulder is found and brought back from the dead. Then, after Scully gives birth, Mulder disappears again. It is hinted that he may be the father of Scully's child. Scully leaves the X-Files team to care for her son William but still plays an active role in investigations as a forensic pathologist.
But if you've missed the last two years, don't worry. Here's a brief summary that ought to get you back up to speed in a hurry:
Agent John Doggett (in a gravelly voice): "My job is to find Mulder. And I intend to do it. I may seem gruff and antagonistic now, but you'll learn to like me because I'm a stand-up guy."
Scully: "I'm going to have a baby! But how is that possible?"
Deputy Director Kersh: "I'm the new ominous black guy."
Doggett: "Scully, you're not trying to tell me Mulder was abducted by aliens, are you?"
Scully: "Yes, I am, Agent Doggett. But you can't let these mysterious strangers hurt my unborn baby."
Doggett: "Don't worry. Just don't try to sell me any more of this alien conspiracy hogwash, OK?"
Deputy Director Kersh: "I'm a mysterious, ominous presence."
Agent Monica Reyes: "And I'm the peppy new female presence!"
Assistant Director Skinner: "Don't forget about me! I'm as ambiguous as ever! Why am I always so painfully conflicted? What am I hiding?"
Doggett: "I think you've got something to hide, Skinner."
Mulder: "Aaaaaggghhhhhhhhh! You're stretching my face with hooks!"
Cigarette-Smoking Man: "Look at me! I'm smoking through my trachea! Oops, now I'm dead. Maybe."
Scully: "Don't touch my baby!!"
Doggett: "All right, already. Jeez. But if I hear one more thing about alien bounty hunters, I'm going to crap my pants."
Alex Krycek: "Looks like I'm dead now. Well, it was a good run."
Scully: "The word I've used most this season, besides "the"? Hmm. I'd have to go with "baby."
Assistant Director Brad Follmer: "Hi! I'm Cary Elwes. You might remember me from my sinister turn as the bad-guy driver opposite Tom Cruise in "Days of Thunder"!
Mulder: "Can't you aliens use some anesthetic?"
Doggett: "I'm skeptical of you, Kersh. But I've got no evidence."
Kersh: "Well, I'm ominous for a reason, you know."
Scully: "Baby."
