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Saturday, Jul 4, 2009
Episode 64 (Friday, Sept. 22): Jamie: "A sa-ba-twah is amongst us!"
Sep 23, 2000 | There are only four hamsters left. We find ourselves thinking back to the final quartet on that other, better reality television show. At that point, the flea-bitten and starved "Survivors" were ready to chew each others faces off. We were so excited to see who would win we could hardly stand it.
"Big Brother" is now down to four, and big whoop. The show starts off tonight with a short chat in the back yard and Eddie drop-kicking a ball over a fence.
It's really difficult to imagine how boring the houseguests must be the other 23 hours and 38 minutes of the day for a piece of video like this to make the final cut -- much less lead the show off.
Eddie tosses the ball up in the air, leaps off the ground, makes contact and lands on his back. The ball soars over the fence.
One-legged man falls down. That's entertainment!
We used to like the "Is It News or Not?" challenge, in which the shut-ins have been working on a list of headlines to decide whether they are true or false. But now, on the third day of it, we've had our fun. The actual contest has the hamsters answering a dozen questions.
Get this -- they have to get half of them correct.
Next week: The breathing challenge.
Each stands up at a cheesy makeshift dais, answers the question and then waits as the announcer, with his best imitation of the Regis pause, tells them whether they are correct.
The contest is yet another betrayal of the show's principle of no outside contact: It feeds the hamsters news. Now they're getting phone calls, outside visitors, Emmy runs and an impending visit with the ousted Cassandra.
There are quieter airports.
But we've made this complaint before. Have we mentioned the cheesy AOL commercials? Have we mentioned that Jamie looks like a powdered blow-up doll?
The first question: Is Jordan premiering the hamsters' take on the "Big Brother" theme song on her "new show"? (What kind of show Big Brother doesn't say. It's just a radio show.)
A little information is a dangerous thing. When it turns out to be true, Jamie's mouth drops and spreads into a big smile. She squints and claps her hands. Because if Jordan -- the mean one who was only on TV for a month, the one people didn't even like enough to keep around -- then Jamie, Miss Washington, will clearly be hosting at least something with Julie Chen!
And that would mean she would be famous!
The houseguests get the answer wrong, but they all agree that learning this fact is better than eating. Now they actually have something to talk about for the next week.
