Oddly enough, soon-to-be-rejected Charlie's session with Trista's family was probably the highlight of the whole finale. From the second he walked in, Trista's mom and stepmom were drooling over him in the kitchen.

Stepmom (lustily): "Makes me wish I wasn't ..."

Mom: "I know, I wish I was 30!"

Next, they pull out an awful photograph of Trista just to embarrass her, and then start grilling Charlie with dorky but hilarious questions they wrote on little slips of paper and picked from a bowl. "What is under your bed?" (Dustbunnies, says Charlie.) "Besides your face, what other part of your body do you shave?" (Charlie admits to "clipping" his chest hair.)

My God, forget Charlie. I want to marry into this family!

But then Ryan shows up and ruins the fun with his overly earnest stuttering.

Ryan: "There was a moment in Vail when she was sitting on my couch, after my parents had just left? And she was just kind of, kind of almost sleeping ..."

Trista (using the baby voice): "Snuggling!"

Ryan: "Sleeping ... on my shoulder? And we weren't saying anything, and it was kind of a turning point for me? Because it was ... I had sat there on my couch millions of times, watching TV, like, wishing I had someone sleeping on my shoulder, just like that?"

Trista: "Awww!"

Cut to dad's face, looking skeptical. So my daughter is that special throw pillow you've been dreaming of, huh?

Ryan: "You know, she was there, and it was kind of like, the realization of all of this, that I had always hoped for? So, that's kind of when I really started to say ..."

Mom: "I need that rose!"

Trista's family appears to need some comic relief, after that lengthy bit of heartfelt fumbling. Still, they can see that this weird guy is sincere, particularly when he insists on isolating Trista's dad in order to ask him for his daughter's hand in marriage. Come on, I thought this show was supposed to be role reversal!

No such luck. Both men pick out rings, Charlie proclaims his utter confidence in himself and the universe, and then Trista gives him the heave-ho. It's almost exciting to see such a studly charmer get the shaft, except for the fact that we liked him much better.

So Charlie is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as he rides away in the limo, and we feel really crappy and full of sympathy and raw lust for him. But then Trista explains that Charlie was sooo great, but Ryan was really, truly in love. And we believe her -- based on all that bad poetry he was writing, his heart had to be on fire, because the smoke was cutting off the oxygen to his brain.

But by the time Ryan gets down on one knee and proposes with tears in his eyes, we've all but forgotten about stupid studly Charlie. Clearly, Ryan is the one for Trista, from the very start! From that first date with Shamu! Who cares if he's just a fireman who writes crappy poems? He looks really good in his boxers!

Maybe the real triumph of "The Bachelorette" was that, by the end of the season, we felt like we knew Trista pretty damn well. In contrast to Alex and Aaron, who seemed progressively less knowable and less human each week, until, by the finale, it might as well have been Max Headroom proposing, Trista's reactions to these men were real. From the way she sighed and slouched when she was bored and sexually uninterested, to that smirk that said "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" to her rapid blinking, signaling her frustration with whichever numbskull was misinterpreting her pure intentions at the time, Trista played the role of high-maintenance princess with stunning conviction. By the finale, you had a sense of who Trista really was, warts and all. Whether her ability to reveal herself while the cameras rolled makes her America's sweetheart or a complete freak is, of course, a matter of personal opinion.

As for Ryan, given his fawning demeanor, he seems poised and ready to give baby Trista all the pandering and pampering she deserves. Happily ever after? Maybe not, but at least they should last long enough for next year's special, "Trista and Ryan Tell All." After a year of waist-high snow and bad poetry, Trista might look less like America's dream girl and more like the wife in "The Shining." But what could possibly make a better tell-all than a wild-eyed Ryan, hissing, "Put the bat down, Trista. Trista, give me the bat."

Here's hoping!

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