Play it again, scam

Crimes shown backward, heroes sent back to high school, and yet another trip to the '60s. This week's lame new TV shows prove a trip down Memory Lane can be a snooze.

By Carina Chocano

Sep 23, 2002 | Are the networks trying to make themselves obsolete? The only remarkable thing about this week's prime-time debuts is how they all managed to crowd into the same tired premises. The sitcoms play like advertisements for the death of the sitcom. The dramas keep playing cops and doctors. Best yields in this week's flaccid crop are two police procedurals that share our post-9/11 fascination with reconstructing the past and manage, just barely, to rise above the median: "Without a Trace," an FBI missing-persons drama from "CSI" producer Jerry Bruckheimer; and "Boomtown," an L.A.-set cop show that shows a crime from the various perspectives of different characters.

"In-Laws" (Tuesday 8 p.m. on NBC, premieres Sept. 24)

Right on the heels, literally, of "Meet My Folks," NBC meets the parents again in this familiar comedy about a wimpy son-in-law and his tough-guy father-in-law. Newlyweds Matt (Elon Gold) and Alex (Bonnie Somerville) move in with her parents so that Matt can attend culinary school. Dad Victor (Dennis Farina) owns a fleet of armored trucks, so you know he's a tough guy. Needless to say, he's none too thrilled with his son-in-law's vocation. "So, your plan is to what? Quit your job, hit me up for some cash and go to school in an apron?"

And there you have "In-Laws." Other fun moments include Dad getting upset when his little girl has sex in the bed he made for her, Dad getting upset when his son-in-law overcongratulates his wife, Dad getting upset when son-in-law tips his employees and Dad getting upset when his son-in-law puts cumin in the dinner. But then, you've seen the movie. You know how it goes. Mom Marlene (Jean Smart) is funny as the kooky, sassy mom.

"Hidden Hills" (Tuesday 9:30 p.m. on NBC, premieres Sept. 24)

In a just world, "Hidden Hills" would be redolent of vintage John Updike. In this world, it's "The Mind of the Married Man, Suburban Edition." Justin Lewis and Paula Marshall play Doug and Janine Barber, a married couple who haven't had sex in five weeks and two days. Just imagine! To make matters worse, their best friends Zack and Sarah (Dondre T. Whitfield and Tamara Taylor) have sex all the time. Even during "Spongebob Squarepants"! In fact, "Spongebob Squarepants" turns them on. Just imagine!

The first episode involves a new-to-the-neighborhood hot single mom who happens to have a porn Web site. Just imag -- forget it. You don't really have to imagine anything, because "Hidden Hills" takes us deep into the three-inch imagination of its protagonist, Doug, a man prone to compulsive fantasy sequences. As if this weren't insight enough into his terminally uninteresting character, his voice-over kicks in to further explain things every chance it gets. As he imagines porn mom washing his car in a milkmaid outfit, his voice-over kicks in to deconstruct the fantasy. "Yeah, I know, this fantasy doesn't score points for originality. Actually, I stole it from 'Cool Hand Luke.' But the opera makes it kind of classy, don't you think?" Not really, no.

"Good Morning, Miami" (Thursday 9:30 p.m. on NBC, premieres Sept. 26)

"Will & Grace" creators Max Mutchnik and David Kohan drew on their experiences as morning-show producers for this parody about a low-end Miami broadcast featuring two preening, talentless hosts and an anxiety-ridden station manager. Apparently, this is their revenge.

"Good Morning, Miami" is the story of Jake Silver (Mark Feuerstein), a successful young TV producer who takes a meeting in Miami so that he can visit his gambling granny, Claire (Suzanne Pleshette), and winds up falling instantaneously in love with the show's hair stylist, Dylan (Ashley Williams). Tossing his career out the window, he takes the job, only to learn that Dylan is dating the insufferable host, Gavin Stone (Matt Letscher). Think "News Radio" and "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," only maudlin. Let's just hope the studio audience keeps the unrequited love-induced "Awwws" to a minimum.

Tessie Santiago plays Lucia Rojas-Miller, the bubbleheaded Cuban-American co-host; Jere Burns plays Frank Alfano the station manager; and Brooke Dillman plays his cousin, nun/meteorologist Sister Brenda. The weather-nun is cute the first time, but, really, how many jokes about God making pressure systems can the market bear?

Next Page: How come the black female cop always has to be the "no-nonsense" one?

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