Here is Ozzy stuck on the Weather Channel, trying to figure out how to work the remote control so he can watch the History Channel: "I press this one button and the [Bleep!] shower starts. Where [Bleep!] am I? It's a [Bleep!] nightmare! Nightmare in Beverly Hills!"

Here is Ozzy doing what dads do in this situation: "Jaaaack!"

Just how "normal" the Osbournes are is of course what makes "The Osbournes" such an unmitigated delight. In a TV landscape littered with beautiful yet otherwise average people of dubious talent desperately vying for the world's attention, the Osbournes are refreshingly unassuming. Sure, they have their quirks. The walls are covered in crucifixes, they swear with every other syllable and Dad's brain is, well, fried. But otherwise, we're pretty much talking about the Cleavers, circa 2002.

The relationship between Ozzy and Sharon is especially poignant. Not only is her business acumen and role in the family's fortune in ample evidence, their fondness for each other is obvious enough to embarrass their teenage daughter. Sharon is clearly not only Ozzy's wife and partner, she's more or less his mom, too. After taping an appearance on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno -- a canny, record-promoting appearance made at Sharon's insistence -- the couple kisses as they wait for the elevator.

"You're too old," Kelly complains.

"That's nice, that's really nice," Ozzy replies. "Just wait till you're 50 ... 50 ... " He turns to Sharon. "How old did you say I was?"

It's tough to pinpoint a single aspect of the show that accounts for its runaway success. "The Osbournes" kicked off as Ozzy and the family moved into their new palatial Beverly Hills mansion, amid unpacked boxes labeled "pots and pans" and "Satan heads." The joke is that the neighborhood hasn't gone anywhere. Two blond Hollywood wives speed-walk past the crucifix-laden gate every day, eager to invite Sharon along on their daily power stroll. When English neighbors keep the Osbournes up at all hours playing techno music and singing "My Girl" with acoustic guitar accompaniment, Ozzy finds himself thinking longingly of his old neighbor, Pat Boone. Sharon misses him, too. "He was just the best person ever to live next door to. You don't realize it until you get the neighbor from hell."

It's not just the noise coming from next door that gets on their nerves, either. As Sharon sniffs, "They don't do anything except live off Mummy and Daddy's money." Chez Osbourne, this is ample cause for contempt. When Sharon tells Kelly that their idle-rich neighbors made fun of Ozzy's crosses, an indignant Kelly replies, "He worked for those fucking crosses!"

While they may not be "the kind of family where Dad comes home with a briefcase every night," what family is, these days? It might just take a 50-whatever rock star to support a family Ozzie and Harriet style. Whatever else one might think of Ozzy's career, it can't be said that, at his age and with his history, it isn't a struggle to get through two shows on two successive nights. He works hard for the money his little princess spends at Tiffany. And don't think it doesn't make him sick when the dogs destroy yet another piece of furniture. (Even if Elijah Wood is on hand to help clean up the mess.)

Meanwhile, the neighbors won't shut up, and Ozzy is left with no other choice but to pitch a log through their window (the bagels and the large ham Jack and Sharon tossed into their yard earlier didn't do the trick). The police are summoned, and after a cordial exchange with the family, agree to intervene. Ozzy, after all, is eminently reasonable. Earlier that day, dressed in a bathrobe and glasses, his hair in a prim bun, he complained to his wife about the water pressure in the steam room. The shower had been fitted with a water-saving device required by the state, she explained. "We'll take it out and adjust it after the inspection."

"No," he responds. "We're not, Sharon. We're not. We're not breaking the law."

All of which should help shed some light on George W.'s purported invitation. After a few episodes of "The Osbournes," it becomes clear that this family has some serious values.

Recent Stories