Wednesday, Jul 9, 2008
In MTV's smash hit "The Osbournes," George W.'s favorite Satan-worshiping metal maniac is just a frazzled, law-abiding dad.
Apr 11, 2002 | Five episodes into its 10-episode run, MTV's "The Osbournes" has already been compared to every classic nuclear family sitcom ever produced. The series has been likened to "The Simpsons," "Married With Children," "Father Knows Best" and "The Addams Family," though, actually, Ozzy Osbourne as a TV dad is closer to Herman Munster than Gomez Addams. The Osbournes even have a self-conscious "normal" daughter (eldest daughter Aimee, who declined to participate in the series) in the phantom role of Marilyn.
Everybody loves "The Osbournes" -- including George W. Bush. The president has reportedly invited the compulsively potty-mouthed Osbourne family to the White House for a visit, Ozzy's lifelong banishment from the state of Texas notwithstanding. It turns out that the former Black Sabbath frontman piddled on the Alamo back in 1981, which, considering his ongoing troubles with the family's horde of incontinent lapdogs, is a little ironic.
The unscripted half-hour comedy, which MTV developed after paying the Osbournes a visit in an episode of "Cribs" (MTV's version of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"), provides a glimpse into the domestic life of the legendary rocker, his wife and manager, Sharon, and two of their three teenage children, Kelly and Jack. Jack is a self-described "ass-kicking fat kid" in combat fatigues, who amuses himself by bayoneting cardboard boxes as Mom explains to the cameras that "he's kind of the oddball at school." Pudgy, pink-haired Kelly pouts, screams and sulks like a champ, then goes into convulsions of embarrassment when her dad grills her about exactly why her older sister has set up a gynecological appointment for her. As for Ozzy himself, he may, in his words, be the "Prince of Fucking Darkness," but being the father of teenagers has seemingly put the fear of God into him. Wide-eyed and nervous as Kelly prepares to go out one night, he pleads with her: "Don't drink, don't take drugs. Please. And if you have sex, wear a condom."
In the first month of its existence, "The Osbournes" has become one of the hottest shows on TV. It's also among the highest-rated shows in MTV's 20-year history, having drawn 4.1 million viewers with its March 26 debut, more than any other series on cable. The show's enormous popular and critical success has come as such a surprise that other networks have begun to circle the family, which does not have an exclusive deal with MTV, like a flock of starving buzzards. As Variety reported earlier this week, high-ranking MTV executives, who are currently in negotiations with the Osbourne clan for a second season, sent out letters to several networks reminding them that "The Osbournes" is still very much an MTV show.
MTV shacked up with the Osbournes for six months, with the now-familiar intention of capturing the experiences of "real people" in their natural habitat. The table-turning difference here is that the Osbournes are not the tedious "real people" of the televised variety. They -- or their paterfamilias, anyway -- are already famous. And if the series makes one thing abundantly clear, it's that after 30 years, being famous is a job like any other -- a job that requires dressing up in "Moulin Rouge" drag and fellating a banana, but a job nonetheless. (And one with its own pitfalls. "Darling," Ozzy patiently explains to Kelly when she complains about his failing hearing, "you have not been standing in front of a billion decibels for 30 years. Just write me a note.")
At home, however, he's just a dad. See for yourself: Here is Ozzy picking up around the house. Here is Ozzy wanting to throw out a piece of trash and finding no bag in the garbage can. Here is Ozzy sighing, putting down the piece of trash and patiently lining the garbage can. Here is Ozzy freaking out when one of the dogs relieves himself on the Persian rug. Here is Ozzy settling down in his "shabby chic" kitchen, awash in a sea of chintz, Diet Coke in hand.
Get Salon in your mailbox!