Now let's move on to a few new sitcoms that, if you're patient, might eventually be worthwhile. If you loved "High Fidelity" (the movie) and "Ed" (the TV show) you might like CBS's "Love Monkey," which stars Tom Cavanagh (from "Ed") as a picky but lovable but commitment-phobic single guy living in NYC and working in the record industry. If that sounds hauntingly similar to your experiences with Match.com and you always really liked Jenna Elfman from "Dharma & Greg," you might enjoy CBS's "Courting Alex," which stars Elfman as a busy, Type A lawyer who doesn't have time for love. OK, everyone has time for love, and "Courting Alex" isn't exactly laugh-out-loud funny, but Elfman is less annoying than she was as Dharma, and her love interest is played by Josh Randall, who was great as the goofy married friend on "Ed."
Yes, all the new sitcoms are inhabited by the stars of old sitcoms. That's the Law of Conservation of Sitcom Stars. CBS's "The New Adventures of Old Christine," for example, is Julia Louis-Dreyfus' second try at her own show (after "Watching Ellie"), which is odd considering how talented she is. Fans of "Seinfeld" aren't likely to adore "Old Christine" at first sight -- Louis-Dreyfus plays a divorcée whose husband starts dating a younger woman with her same name (played by the always-funny Emily Rutherford). Still, despite some clunky moments common to sitcom pilots, what sets "Old Christine" apart is its odd, slightly skewed perspective, and the fact that it features characters and situations that are obviously based on real lives, not pulled out of the whimsy-filled heads of precocious former "Harvard Lampoon" writers. In short, this is a show for old people who are in denial about being old. Of Brazilian waxes, for example, Christine says, "I don't know why people think that's so sexy! I did that once, it was like a hair arrow pointing to my C-section scar." Now that's comedy!
You also won't want to miss the last episodes of Fox's soon-to-be-canceled "Arrested Development," nor will you want to miss the opportunity to pressure Fox into keeping the Emmy-winning show around as payback for torturing us with their other insipid programming. (Maybe word that a little differently in your letter to them.)
Finally, comedy fans should tune in for UPN's "South Beach." Technically, "South Beach" is a one-hour drama, but these bitchy models and blandly attractive tough guys are packing more laughs than heat. Plus, you have to love Vanessa Williams, appearing here as the only middle-aged woman who looks younger than her twentysomething costars, thanks to the wonders of modern medicine.
You're really going to be glad you cleared all those crappy reality rehashes and flaccid sitcoms off your TiVo, though, because you're going to need the space for all the really great dramas coming up. Can you believe it? Seems like yesterday, there was nothing but a handful of mediocre procedural dramas on TV, plus "The West Wing" and "ER." Now we've got "Grey's Anatomy" and "House," both of which improve on the now-aging "ER" formula, and you can choose your favorite flavor, dewy-eyed, love-struck idealist (Grey) or cranky, pill-popping jerk/genius (House). Unfortunately, "Commander in Chief" started strong, but features far too much saintly mother behavior and too many scenes where children are tucked sweetly into bed to constitute an improvement on "The West Wing."
"Lost" and "Invasion" are the main survivors of the fear-mongering bake-off this fall, while, sadly, "Threshold" failed to deliver on a really intriguing pilot, and was promptly canceled. Lots of people just love "Invasion," but I'm having trouble seeing what all the fuss is about. I don't really care that the creepy blond mommy can breathe underwater, and the alien lights in the swamp don't scare me. "Lost," on the other hand, is faster-paced and far more interesting than it was during its first season. The introduction of the other group of plane-crash survivors, the odd '50s-era authority experiment going on in the bunker, the possible reappearance of Walt -- all of these great plot points have made the show's days of All Suspenseful Music, No Action a distant memory. Even if you missed everything up until now, "Lost" is really worth tuning in for these days.
Another drama you might want to check out is the BBC show "Hustle," which will appear on AMC in January. I'm not the biggest fan of con men or heist movies, so I wasn't sure I'd love "Hustle," but it's really pretty entertaining. Imagine that movie "The Grifters," but replace the really dark, sad undercurrents with the cheery "everything works out perfectly in the end" tone of a James Bond movie. The show starts with Mickey, the Ferris Bueller of the con underworld, pulling together his favorite team of scam artists, "Oceans 11"-style. The team has a fail-proof plan, but wait -- they're being watched! Along with snappy dialogue and slick little scenes, what stands out the most about "Hustle" is how beautifully it's filmed. Every shot is an inventively lit, expertly framed work of art. The show is honestly worth watching for that reason alone.
Showtime's "Brotherhood," which explores the lives of an Irish family in Providence, R.I., looks like a worthwhile cross between "The Wire" and "The Sopranos" -- yet another nicely acted, well-produced, fairly engrossing drama in a sea of high-quality dramatic offerings. We probably have "The Sopranos" to thank for most of these shows, and we can thank our old mob pals in person, starting in March. Be still my heart!
That's not all, folks. "24" is back in January, as is "Battlestar Galactica," "The Shield," "Huff" and "The L Word." Throw in a great second season of "Veronica Mars," the ever-hilarious "Colbert Report" and, of course, "The Daily Show," and you've got a 25-hour a week viewing habit. But I bet that still puts you below the national TV-viewing average, and you know why? Because, thanks to your newly organized TiVo and your newly elevated position as boss of your TV, you don't waste your time on just anything. You're a thoughtful, organized TV viewer, one with discriminating taste and strong personal boundaries!
OK, then! Time to shuffle into the kitchen for more soggy gingerbread...