The whole process (and the program, ultimately) is geared toward women; it's women answering the questions that fire the distended bellies of network execs, who have clearly rediscovered the joys of exploiting America's perennial surplus of maternal angst. The shows revolve around the assumption that the mother not only sets the tone of the family, she is the family, while the father and kids simply take cues. The shows pander to that notion, which many mothers use to anchor their identities, while at the same time revealing the fragility of that identity, holding it up to that of other mothers, and the prospect of being shown up by some hick from Arkansas, or some bitch from New York.

Of course, self-loathing and self-doubt are firm pillars of reality TV's foundation, particularly with regard to women. One of the earliest and longest-running shows was a reality show -- "Queen for a Day" (1956-64) -- that makes "Wife Swap" and "Trading Spouses" look like "Masterpiece Theatre." In each episode, two housewives tried to convince a studio audience that they had the more pathetic life; the "winner" was rewarded with a washer and dryer, a television or perhaps an oven to stick her head in when she got home.

Every week, both shows pit mothers from the heartland of America against those from either coast or the Northeast; sometimes they find blue-collar mothers from New Jersey, or Illinois, which in some ways amounts to red in the context of the show but is mainly another way to make Democrats look undesirable. The conflict that drives each episode is almost always drawn from the clash of the hippie (i.e., slovenly) or urban (cold, materialistic) values of the "blue" mothers and the warm, traditional, tough-but-cornfed, usually rural lovin' of the "red" mothers. High jinks ensue and toes are mashed when someone like Colleen Verruto, say, leaves her California high life to slum it in what looks like a taxidermy stand in Tennessee on "Trading Spouses."

"Trading Spouses" plays up the geographical origins of its participants a little more, but both shows stick to red against blue, with little variation. On "Trading Spouses," for example, you've got Minnesota vs. Tennessee, Texas vs. New York, and San Diego vs. New Orleans. Generally, the blue mom was either a lazy dipstick or more focused on work, money and order than family. The red moms tended to be gentle, focused and simple. Colleen Verruto's family didn't seem to miss a beat without her, falling in love with the "honest and hardworking" Chrystal Norton, who made real dinners, convinced the workaholic dad to spend more time with his kids and, despite her short-long hairdo and floral prints, was clearly the real "mother" of the two. Flighty Colleen, on the other hand, was blown off by the Nortons in Tennessee, who spent the entire episode pining for their mother

In a recent "Trading Spouses" the gloves came off when lazy Janet from New York (who is shown either snoring or inhaling food in almost every scene) decided that not only was the home of serene, loving Washington mom Mary Beth way too aggro for her (the seven kids expect breakfast?) that it must be possessed by unclean spirits. Janet's alienation drives her to hire "freelance supernatural investigators" to check out the evil forces that must be making this home so different from hers. Mary Beth's family finds bossy, fat Janet to be "kind of psycho" and counts the days until she leaves, while Janet's family will "always keep Mary Beth in our hearts," deeming her "a great mom." "Trading Spouses'" biggest gimmick is the $50,000 each mom gets to spend on her adopted family. The politics of how families spend their money is not lost on those involved, who without fail complain that there's no way their adopted mom will understand what they need, where they're coming from.

On "Wife Swap" being a red stay-at-home mom can seemingly lead to a pathological problem with bulk shopping and saying things like, "My husband has final say because the Bible says he should," while blue moms generally work full-time, hate "clutter" and say things like, "My job means everything to me" and "Our home is a business and I am the CEO." While the blue mother is rarely missed here either, and her kids are usually caught on tape lamenting her inevitable return, she occasionally does have a grudgingly positive impact on the family she visits, as was the case with Kym Young, who forced her Southern Baptist "husband" to try living his wife's life for a day to see just how grueling it was.

Young was able to do this as part of the show's "rule change," a feature that allows moms to change the household so it runs more to their liking. But according to one of the moms quoted in the Times story, her new rules "were written not by her (as the narrator suggests) but by a producer working off-camera on a laptop computer." And that's just the beginning.

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