Parker: [Laughs] The thing is, obviously, we're not setting out to make a movie going, Look, America, this is how you should run things, this is how it should be. Because then we'd be no better than the fucking actors we hate. But the only thing that we assert is that there's a difference between dicks and assholes. That's the biggest thing that we assert.

Stone: That's such a strong political statement.

Parker: And it really kinda is! Because that's the thing that we realized when we were making the movie. It was always the hardest thing. We wanted to deal with this emotion of being hated as an American. That was the thing that was intriguing to us, and having Gary (the main character) deal with that emotion. And so, him becoming ashamed to be a part of Team America and being ashamed of himself, he comes to realize that, just as he got his brother killed by gorillas -- he didn't kill his brother; he was a dick, he wasn't an asshole -- so too does America have this role in the world as a dick. Cops are dicks, you fucking hate cops, but you need 'em.

Thanks to all the assholes -- or criminals. Or in the case of the movie, terrorists.

Parker: Right. Because there are assholes -- terrorists -- you gotta have dicks -- people who hunt down terrorists. And I think that that is a pretty strong thing to assert, actually ... at least the pussies think so.

The pussies being the whiny liberals. But you obviously make fun of dicks -- or ugly Americans -- for the first half of the movie.

Stone: Well, it's just Gary coming to terms with the fact that it's an imperfect world, basically. And this is Gary going, "This is as much sense as I can make of it."

Parker: Dicks are bad, and it sucks to be a dick, but it's way worse to be an asshole, and because there are assholes, we need dicks. So shut the fuck up, all you pussies!

Stone: That does seem like a funny way to put it.

What question are you dreading the most?

Parker: Why marionettes?

Stone: Why puppets? That's what everyone always says first thing. "Why puppets, guys?"

Better cross that one off the list ...

Parker: Well, you always have the one question that you answer in every interview, to the point where we know that one of us is going to start the answer, and we know exactly what the other one is going to say ...

So it ends up feeling rehearsed.

Parker: It's the only thing that does, because we try to stay really conversational. Because there is a fascinating story behind it, which we won't tell you now.

Stone: Since you're not going to ask that.

Parker: But because there is a specific story behind it, it gets told and retold.

OK, I shot myself in the foot. I'll just have to link to the story. I'm wondering, do you ever take a break and eat some lunch and come back and say, "Man, I'm not so sure about that part that goes 'Lick my butt and suck my balls'"?

Stone: No. Those are always the parts we're most sure about.

Although I did notice that, when you do the touching ballad-reprise of [the movie's theme song] "America! Fuck, Yeah!" you didn't include the lyric "lick my butt."

Parker: [Laughs] Oh yeah! That's true.

Do you feel that you seek to offend people, or do you find that insinuation offensive?

Parker: No, in fact, it's funny, I was talking to my parents about this ...

Stone: No, we're just offensive.

Parker: Yeah. I was all nervous last night because the movie was playing ... Like, we've never seen the whole movie.

Stone: No one had ever seen it until last night.

Because you were cutting it to get the R rating?

Stone: Because of the schedule we were on, no one had ever sat down and actually watched the entire movie on film, with the sound mix, start to finish, until it played in however many theaters.

Parker: I was really nervous, and my dad said, "I don't understand why you're all nervous," and I said, "I'm just really scared that people are getting really pissed off right now." Not scared, but just bummed out. And I realize that I really do -- and I think Matt's the same way -- if someone does really get offended by our movie, we don't feel good about it. We want people to love the movie, you know what I mean? Even psycho German lady the other day kinda bummed us out, you know? Because it was like, Come on, you didn't like it? Deep down, we want everyone to laugh and have a good time. We don't go, Oh, let's piss these people off.

Stone: We just are offensive people. I mean, I offend people all the time in everyday life and I wish I didn't; I just fucking say the wrong thing.

What do you think creates a person who naturally offends by accident?

Stone: When that person is just really charismatic and cool!

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