Everyone on the show is so larger than life.

It's hard to find people to do reality shows, and it's more hard to find smart people to do reality shows ...

Smart people?

Yeah. What sane, smart person -- I mean, "Survivor," you know the prize, it's a million bucks. I did this show without knowing what the prize was. For me, the prize was making a great impression on the country, as best I could, but I didn't know. That's why four or five episodes into it, when I had a feeling I was being edited as the laughingstock, it was really hard. I was really depressed.

How did you know they were editing you that way?

I knew from seeing a woman with a sign in the audience that said, "I love your man-boobs." From that, I knew Fox probably gave them the signs, and chose which signs they'd show. And then the contestants both dissed me and made references to man-boobs. I thought, if they both feel comfortable dissing me, obviously I've been skewed extremely negatively. I was really depressed that night.

You're in marketing, you're into being in the public eye, at least in theory. How do you feel about it now?

Yeah, I was. I still am, overall it was a great experience. It's so funny, because I watch with probably as much anticipation as everyone else. Even though I know what happens, more important to me now is, how they reveal.

Yeah, and if they cut to you as you're picking something out of your teeth, and it makes you look depressed.

Right! It's unbelievable how the reaction shots can leave lasting impressions in people's heads.

But you can tell that they're taken out of sequence sometimes.

Well, you can. But most viewers cannot. Are you kidding me? Most viewers ...

They say, "My god, he's crushed!" And meanwhile you had gas or something. So last week's episode [when teammates Keith and Tara seemed to turn on him, and he became the focus of the entire show's ire] did you think, oh man, they're making me look like a jackass?

That was tough, because I was watching with a group of about 200 people in Boston at a bar. I mean, look, I'm back home. I have my sense of integrity back. But towards the end there, I was just so enveloped in the game. I could see in the last episode how much it really got to me, and how I wasn't so sure of myself anymore.

Anyway, now I've completely forgiven you for what my brother said -- and I still haven't read the article -- you called me "moderately intelligent," I believe.

Well, I have to confess, there was something else ...

Below average looks, and moderate intelligence?

Well, no. I said you were moderately intelligent, and moderately unattractive. Boy, this is instant karma, right here. But keep in mind, being moderately unattractive in the context of the exceptionally good-looking human beings they chose for the show ...

Perhaps, but the "moderately intelligent" in the context of the human beings they chose is completely ludicrous.

It's all relative. I referred to everyone else as morons, so ... Well, I'm a jackass. What can I say?

Ha! It's fine.

But you know, the point where you were added to the cast, it was like, "Who is this guy, and what did they mean by throwing him into the mix, because he clearly has nothing in common with these people." I mean, how did you feel about your looks in that situation?

People said I came across as insecure, but in the context of being with models and knowing that I'm on TV, it was easy to be insecure.

Of course.

I read the message boards, and it says, "Dave is so ugly, Dave is so ugly, Dave is so ugly," and being back, I walk around and look around and think, "No, I'm not!" I'm normal-looking, maybe. I have a bigger nose than most people, but, you know, who cares? It was funny how the others were allowed to assert their attractiveness, but I was never allowed to assert my intelligence. I mean, heaven forbid I should say I'm a pretty smart guy.

They freaked out on you for doing that, but hearing Zack go on about how smart he was truly was great television, too. Anyway, you definitely colored outside the lines of the typical reality show goon, which was fun to watch.

Well, check it out tonight. Even if you never saw the show before, tonight's episode is worth watching.

Good plug, but you're preaching to the converted. So you're having a party for tonight's show?

Yeah, at a bar in New York City. And it's my birthday!

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