Sunday, Jul 6, 2008
Jun 30, 1999 | One morning Tiffany Samsa awoke from troubled dreams about Unalik O'Toole, the handsome half-Inuit Harvard-educated bush pilot whose wolfish grin made her weak in the knees, to find she had become a giant Kodiak bear. Lying on her back, she lifted her head to see her tummy, formerly as flat and taut as 100 sit-ups a day could make it, was now rounded and covered by a smooth carpet of golden-brown fur.
"Unalik's not going to like this one little bit," was her first thought. It was no dream. She was in her own room in the Anchorage condo she shared with Brandy, a petite red-headed flight attendant for Alaska Airlines, whom she suspected had a secret soft spot for Unalik as well. There was her backpack, waiting in readiness -- for Tiffany was a wilderness guide. On the mirror above the bureau, where she had stuck it just last night, was her favorite Polaroid of Unalik and herself, the one of the two of them in the hot tub after last year's Iditarod.
Tiffany's gaze then turned toward the window, and the dismal weather -- snow was still falling thickly outside -- really bummed her out. She wanted to snuggle back under the covers, but try as she might, she couldn't get the flimsy blanket to stretch from her hind legs all the way to her powerful forepaws.
"Don't be silly," she told herself. Maybe this was just a really bad case of PMS, nothing a Midol or two couldn't handle. In any case, she had to get up, she must have overslept and a party of tourists was already waiting for her to take them to the interior for some salmon fishing. Besides, she didn't really feel that bad at all, only a little sleepy and unusually hungry.
Tiffany had just succeeded in raising her massive bulk to a crouching position -- the bedroom ceiling was too low for her to stand upright -- when there was a ring at the door of the condo. It was Unalik, who had evidently come in search of her when she and her tour group failed to arrive at the appointed hour on the seaplane dock.
Meanwhile, through her bedroom door Tiffany could hear Brandy invite Unalik in and offer him a latte, for all the world as if he were her boyfriend. Tiffany struggled to turn the doorknob but her claws kept slipping. She let out an involuntary growl of frustration.
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