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Wednesday, Nov 25, 2009
Dear Mr. Blue,
I'm a 23-year-old graduate student in statistics having second thoughts about my career path. I don't find the work terribly interesting. My true passion is reading.
If I was all by myself, I might consider starting all over and studying literature. But I am happily married, have a mortgage and my wife and I want to start a family. What careers exist that would allow me to involve my passion for reading novels? And is it too late to switch careers?
Lover of Fiction
Dear Lover,
Don't switch careers on the basis of an illusion. The only career that pays you to read novels is the honorable profession of book reviewing and it pays peanuts. You should go ahead and do it in your spare time and see how you like it, but meanwhile keep the day job. The study of literature, in graduate school, is not about reading novels, it's about criticism and scholarship and that's a very different kettle of fish. Like the difference between Huck Finn and the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
I'm a kinda attractive guy, 62, about to retire, with a record of four failed marriages. I'm also a recovered alcoholic with 15 years of happy sobriety, a battered husband and I have herpes.
Women seem to find me charming, entertaining and funny for short periods of time, and then they bail out because of bad experiences with drunks or because of the herpes thing. In addition, many of the women I have dated in the 48-62 age group are, frankly, a little bitter and sometimes downright angry at men.
That anger scares me a bit due to my experiences with out-of-control spouses, and the idea of having a woman under the same roof for an extended period is too frightening to contemplate.
So, where does a guy like me go for affection, romance and even a monogamous relationship? And please, don't give me that "church group/bowling alley/bookstore" stuff!
Damaged Merchandise
Dear Damaged,
Don't get huffy. Mr. Blue hasn't recommended bowling or church groups or bookstores to anybody, ever. (On the other hand, a nice dart club or a window seat at Starbucks or a Unitarian church might do the trick, but never mind.) And it sounds like you're meeting women OK on your own. So some of them have peevish things to say about their exes and formers. That's your opportunity to be sympathetic and show that you're a different kind of guy, a caring & sharing & sensitive guy. Just keep going along amusing them for short periods of time and enjoy those periods. Having herpes means that you must carry condoms and offer to use one. You don't want a monogamous relationship right now (that often leads to living under one roof), you want to have fun. So do. If a woman bails out, too bad for her. Keep on trucking.
Dear Mr. Blue,
A beloved old friend is on the brink of marriage and has asked me to be his best man and make the customary toast, which I dread doing, because he has repeatedly confided his ambivalence about this wedding, his lack of respect for his fiancée's intelligence, savoir-faire, looks and taste in books, and far worse. And now he implores me to toast their happiness? Where do my responsibilities as best man begin and end?
Yikes
Dear Yikes,
The best man is the groom's confidant and right-hand man and, if necessary, valet and chauffeur. You look out for him before and during the ceremony, and then you hand him over to his bride. Your beloved old friend trusted you with his innermost qualms and you should ask him, "Are you sure you really want to do this?" It's a friendly question to ask. And if he says he does, then you do your part to make it an elegant wedding. And if he's not sure, then you challenge him to do some hard thinking.
