The outspoken Danny Goldberg of Artemis Records and the buttoned-down Strauss Zelnick of BMG Entertainment clung to the First Amendment like "Peanuts" character Linus to his security blanket, decrying the encroaching "censorship." (Zelnick was joined by his lawyer, Clinton attorney David Kendall, present and accounted for whenever Washington discusses bitches and hos.)

Goldberg elicited chuckles -- and a shocked expression from Sen. Ernest "Fritz" Hollings, D-S.C., himself no stranger to offensive expressions about minorities -- when he said that "Americans who are offended by curse words ... have no moral or legal right to impose such a standard on my family or the millions of other Americans who, like George W. Bush, are comfortable with cursing." He went on to argue that what may be inappropriate for one 14-year-old, as supervised by his parents, may be perfectly fine for another -- completely ignoring the point of the FTC study's larger thesis.

It wasn't entirely Goldberg's fault. After McCain temporarily left the room to go vote -- and Brownback and Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D., were left alone -- the focus of the hearing quickly veered from the FTC report and focused instead on the most heinous examples of today's rap. Even after McCain returned, the larger issue of general filth kept rearing its head. Members of each side seemed more at ease in the comfort of their preassigned roles of Smut-Peddlers vs. First Amendment Shredders --

Maybe the FTC report itself was too complex. Or maybe it simply allowed neither side to score the easier layups.

In an attempt at his own "Have you no shame?" moment, Brownback pushed Goldberg and Zelnick to list "any image or word you would not put forward." Both executives insisted that they came across material that their consciences kept them from marketing, but they wouldn't submit to Brownback's insistence on a list of subjects.

"The responsibility lies within my company; it doesn't lie here," Zelnick said. "Are there things we would not put out? You bet there are."

The afternoon droned on. Some of the video-game industry executives raised serious questions about the FTC's data -- arguing, for example, that it's unfair that the report categorizes "The X-Files," "The Simpsons" and "Baywatch" as children's programming, since most of those shows' viewers are over 18. Peter Moore, president and COO of Sega of America, Inc., pointed out that one gaming magazine that the FTC report suggested was inappropriate as a venue for advertising for "M-rated game titles ... has over half of its readership aged 17 or older."

One of the few people who actually knew what he was talking about, Michael Eric Dyson, tried to illustrate how rappers like Master P, the Notorious B.I.G., Tupac Shakur and Snoop Dogg "highlight undervalued problems." Surely Dyson is the only one to cite the Notorious B.I.G.'s "Me & My Bitch" in Commerce Committee testimony. His knowledge and cadence not only livened up a stuffy hearing; he also provided a voice for rappers, surely under-represented at a hearing that talked about rap quite a bit.

Quite often, however, it came back to Brownback's question, the general accusation that -- as Kerry put it in one long, ponderous, Kerry-esque digression -- "some of the most highly respected corporate entities in the world" were marketing stuff that the committee found icky.

"I'm pretty open-minded, and pretty willing to accept anybody's right to be edgy and sometimes over the edge," Kerry said, but there were lyrics that he found to be without artistic merit even stretching that point.

To this, Recording Industry Association of America president and CEO Hilary Rosen argued that some people found lyrics he didn't like entertaining.

"Lots of things are entertaining," Kerry replied. "But they're not always allowed by law."

Dum-Bum-BUMMMM!!!

After more Kerry-Rosen coffee tawk, an irascible McCain got fed up, interrupting to remind them all that "This hearing is about marketing," not content and censorship. Finally, after more back and forth indicating that the entertainment folks weren't willing to cede a point, as the hearing reached its interminable sixth hour, McCain hammered it to a close, reminding all that the film executives were to be there in two weeks -- or else.

What did it all mean? To Goldberg, at least, not much. Hollings began his testimony by recalling previous years' hearings -- not to mention studies -- that addressed the same issue, and after the hearing, Goldberg had the resigned, carefree air of someone who knows that none of the senators' threats will amount to anything.

When asked if he was worried that the report and Wednesday's hearing could result in legislation, Goldberg replied with an emphatic "no."

"I don't feel threatened. I'm not a lawyer, but it seems like an awfully unlikely scenario to me."

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