Go down, young men!

Sexologist Ian Kerner talks to Salon about his new book, "She Comes First," and why the well-trained tongue is mightier than the "sword."

By Corrie Pikul

Jun 2, 2004 | In contrast to the hordes of Viagra fans who battle nightly with erectile dysfunction, sexologist and author Ian Kerner once considered himself a "sexual cripple" of a different sort. It wasn't getting it up that troubled him -- it was sustaining sexual enthusiasm long enough to please his partner (and himself). Starting in adolescence and persisting throughout his 20s and early 30s, Kerner struggled with premature ejaculation. The mere sight of a woman's naked body could make Kerner lose control, and as he put it, "foreplay quickly led to the end of play."

Today, a happily married Kerner is relatively free from premature-ejaculation problems; in fact, he has taken the pressure off his penis completely. Armed with a doctorate in clinical sexology, Kerner has devoted his life to the study and practice of good sex. And awkward as it may sound, Kerner credits his success at home and at work to cunnilingus. Going down helped Ian Kerner get back on top.

But Kerner isn't keeping his sex tips to himself. In an effort to educate men and women about female sexual response, Kerner has written "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman."

You know those big illustrated charts that hang on the wall of the gynecologist's examination room, the ones with the detailed cross-section of women's sexual anatomy? "She Comes First" is like the audio track to those charts, as narrated by an everymanish Tom Hanks type. This straightforward guide to cunnilingus explains everything from odor to orgasms with earnest, educated wit. And while the vulva-savvy woman may already know that "the female orgasm is a complicated affair ... requiring persistent stimulation, concentration, and relaxation," there are few men that wouldn't benefit from the female-centric philosophy and techniques that Kerner advocates.

Kerner hopes that "She Comes First" will lead to the "next sexual revolution" and pave the way for a sexual world where cunnilingus is not considered foreplay, but recognized as "coreplay" that eventually culminates in orgasm. For all its earnestness, the book lacks the fire to ignite a true revolution, but it certainly provides a blueprint for a new model of female-centric sexual play.

Salon met with Kerner at a cozy teahouse in New York, where a flash rainstorm fortunately drowned out much of our conversation -- at least to the ears of the curious patrons seated nearby.

How do you think readers will react to the fact that you're male? Have you gotten a lot of "What do you know about the female orgasm?"

There is really a lack of understanding in female sexual response in this culture, and a greater understanding of male sexual response. My perspective is that female sexuality is just as understandable, and can be navigated just as consistently, as male sexuality -- if we choose to.

How would you suggest that men "get to know" women -- their bodies, their sexuality?

We can learn a lot simply from learning about and practicing techniques. I'm trying to educate men about the female sexual anatomy and how to attune themselves more effectively to female sexual response. It's amazing to me that even with all the scientific biological knowledge about female sexual anatomy that we have today, we are still having the clitoral vs. vaginal orgasm debate. That really stems back to the legacy of Freud and his interest in vanquishing the clitoris in order to promote his own theories and ideas about sexuality, which really ran counter to a lot of the biological information we had at that time. That legacy is somewhat firmly ensconced in our culture even in light of the sexual revolution, even in light of feminist sexual understanding.

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