The problem is that being a single parent, especially a young single parent, you are told that you don't have the moral authority, that because you are more like a pal than a parent, your child is more likely to lack the stability that a nuclear family provides, and more likely to have problems.

Well, there's nothing on paper that can tell you how someone's going to turn out. I think most of the damage is done by the time the kid is 4 years old. I believe very strongly in that.

Which means that you never could have done any damage. It was all set up by the time you became Toph's guardian.

Sure. Don't blame me.

No, I do think that the seed is planted in the first couple years. If the kid grows up in a loud or stressful household, they're going to absorb that. At the developing stages, all external input has infinitely more influence than it does later on. I have so many vivid memories from when I was 3 that mean nothing. Why do I remember exactly how Uncle Ted threw me in the pool? And I can't remember what I did yesterday.

Most of that stuff happens really early on and the only solution to anything like that is love. And if a child is provided enough love at all times, and he knows it, then fuck everything else. There's just no way that you can go wrong. That's the only thing that's ever lacking, I think. Are you very clear to this person always that they mean absolutely everything to you and you're behind them 100 percent? After that, it's simple. Who cares about laundry and the house and what kind of food you eat?

Well, some people would say that that's exactly what matters. That this is how kids get their sense of stability: Knowing that the house is clean and the laundry is done and the food is there is all part of the care and maintenance to provide a happy home.

No, that's a smokescreen. That's for people who don't know what they're doing. That stuff helps, sure. It's nice to grow up in a house where everything is taken care of. Does it make a damn bit of difference if your parents are reluctant to express their affection to you? No. You're going to end up shooting people from a tower in Texas. No matter how clean your laundry is. Take John Wayne Gacy: I'm sure his house was immaculate. It just all has to do with constant, unconditional love, as corny as that sounds.

So do you think that you're ever going to have other kids?

Oh yeah, sure. I love kids. I'm going to have a bunch of kids.

But do you feel like you could be in a serious relationship with somebody and consider having children with them while Toph is still in the house?

No, you're right there. Pretty soon he'll be in college. I'm not saying I'll do it any time soon. But I'll do it. I'm never anywhere near as happy as I am when I'm in a house full of kids. I was just visiting a friend of mine who just had a baby. I had a reading in Berkeley. And there was just no way I wanted to go to that reading, not with this cute little thing. He smiled all the time and I had him on my lap and I was just like, I'm crazy to leave. I've spent most of my life around little kids. It's certainly better than spending it around adults -- so boring. No offense to you guys.

Why is it that everyone hates to admit to being adults? Why is it that no one wants to admit anymore that there are cool things about being an adult?

I don't think that it is cool. It basically just means that you've accepted the fact that you're slow and boring. Really. I have a lot of friends who do accept it: "I wear these clothes, because I'm an adult now." Good God!

Most people would say that the truest sign of being an adult is becoming a parent, regardless of your age.

No, not at all. I would say that it's completely unrelated. I mean, there are things about parenting that will mature you, for sure. But you know. Tell me something: When you meet people, do you draw a line between those who have been through stuff, who know what it's like to struggle on a daily level to get things done? I mean, at 26, some of your friends must be incredibly immature by comparison. I used to always divide people like that. I would find that those whose parents had been divorced, if a parent had died, I could identify with them better. Any sort of breakage in the family unit will mature someone, will sober them a little bit. And they will understand that things aren't always just so.

You probably find people who want to judge you, right?

Oh sure. But what I think is strange is that although you say that you do end up seeking out people who have some sort of breakage, these are the same things that you say you don't want to expose your own children to. So this is the question: If you believe that hardship matures you, makes you interesting, and if you don't believe in exposing your own children to hardship, are you then in danger of raising boring children?

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