Episode 11, continued:

An uneasy Sean spends a night of splendor on the yacht. (Highlight: The Seinfeldian moment where he asks the beautiful Malaysian masseuse, "Does my ass look as bony as it feels?") Prankster Jeff Probst comes aboard to pull a good one on Sean; he takes him to meet the ship's captain but, hey, that ain't no captain, that's Sean's dad -- flown in all the way from New York in less than a day! How did they do that?

Tender scenes of father and son bonding are intercut devilishly with shots of the gang back at the beach dishing out meager portions of rice and cursing Sean into the night. When Richard leaves for breakfast the next morning, Kelly follows him into the surf yelling, "Tell Sean he's gotta deal with Wiglesworth when he gets back!" Ouch, Sean! Hope they taught you how to suture your own nose in med school!

The immunity challenge is a test of endurance. The castaways have to balance on a line of planks, bundled narrow side up, over the ocean; Probst periodically paddles out to slide a board away, until those who remain are precariously balanced on the edge of one plank. The last one standing wins.

Probst tells them that they can't touch each other while on the planks, but they can "taunt all you want." Richard takes this instruction to heart, obnoxiously bellowing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" until Rudy cracks like Noriega after a week of Twisted Sister. Yes, we've finally found the one thing more unpleasant than Richard's naked ass -- his singing.

Confident that he won't be voted off that night, Richard tanks it after an hour on the planks and "falls off." He and Rudy then sit on the beach watching the contest, with Richard doing play-by-play commentary about the tribal council fate of the others. He's like a cross between John Madden and Caligula. Richard decrees that Kelly shall die tonight ... but wait! The balancing contest has come down to Kelly and Colleen and Kelly is refusing to fall off!

After nearly three hours (the beauty of "Survivor" is that, unlike "Big Brother," it doesn't force us to watch people standing around doing nothing for the whole three hours), Kelly wins immunity. Richard and Sue's evil plan thwarted, the alliance has to decide on a different lamb to shish-kebob on a tiki torch. Hmmm, Colleen or Sean?

No brainer! Dr. Sean's last-minute invitation to Richard to share his bounty on the yacht was by far the smartest move the increasingly terrified looking neurologist has made in the entire series. (I'd hate to be on his operating table when the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder kicks in.)

Rich spares him for another week. Colleen gets four votes (Rich, Sue, Rudy and Sean). Kelly, still pissed, votes for Sean (as does Colleen). Again, the non-Alliance members display a pathetic talent for feeding on each other instead of fighting back against the implacable force picking them off one by one. Indeed, tonight was their last chance; with the castaways' number reduced to five, the Rich-Rudy-Sue troika seems invincible.

"Play fair!" the valiant Colleen warns her former island mates as she departs. But it's not all bad -- at least now she can get a doctor to look at those open festering sores on her legs.

As for Sean, he now must face the wrath of Wiglesworth. By God, Richard is setting his enemies on each other like wild dogs! Mwah-ha-ha-ha! Richard metaphorically throws his head back in a Dr. Evil laugh, convinced that he is one step closer to getting his hands on one meel-ion dollars. Or is he?

(J.M.)

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